Say You Love Me
by Balletgrl055
Summary: COMPLETE! After a year of Christine and Raoul's marriage, Christine finally falls in love with Erik, so everything should be fine, except he falls in love with Raoul. ha! Take that Bidizzles
1. Default Chapter

Chapter One

Insolent boy this slave of fashion, basking in your glory,  
ignorant fool, this brave young suitor, sharing in my triumph.

Christine woke up with a start. She glanced around the dark room anxiously, almost expecting to see someone peering at her from the shadows. She put a hand over her heart, trying to slow down its fast pace.

"What's the matter?" Raoul groaned, stretching out from under the covers.

"Nothing." Christine replied, forcing a smile. "I just had a bad dream that's all."

"Don't worry babe, I'm here, nothing can harm you." Raoul said, attempting to be suave. He leaned in to give Christine a kiss, but missed her lips, and fell against her chest, and began to snore gently.

Christine ignored him, and tried to block out the stench of alcohol coming from Raoul's breath. She wrinkled her brow, and tried to remember her dream. She remembered singing, and the face of the man that had haunted her dreams every night since the night Raoul and she had left the Opera Populaire. The face of Erik, her angel of music, or actually, or ex-angel of music. She pulled the rose colored covers up to her chin, trying to shake off the feeling that someone was watching her. She turned to her side, and tried to fall back to sleep, shoving Raoul off of her as she went.

"Mm." Raoul muttered, he smacked his lips, and almost rolled off of the bed.

Erik sat in a tree, ignoring the sharp pain in his side, from the prodding branch. He was able to glance into Christine window, because thankfully Raoul never drew the curtains. He leaned forward, trying to catch a glimpse of Christine's face, but she had turned around. He leaned back, and sighed, feeling his heart rise in his chest. He wanted to burst into her room, and hold Christine in his arms.

"I will have you." He muttered to her through the thick glass. He stroked the window, imagining that it was her long curly brown hair. Glancing over her still form, Erik noticed a large hump, which he assumed to be Raoul. He felt a wave of anger flush through his body, as he saw Raoul half-heartedly throw an arm around Christine. That should be him, not Raoul, he didn't deserve Christine. Raoul was a passionless man who didn't know how to pleasure a pillow, let alone a magnificent woman like Christine.

As Erik got a full flash of Raoul's face for a split second, he was hit with the fact at how beautiful Raoul was. His blonde hair framed his hair perfectly; his whole face was perfect, nothing was out of place. Erik shook his head, angry with himself for thinking about the enemy in a flattering way. Raoul probably spent seven hours alone making sure he looked decent, Erik sneered to himself.

"Hmm." Erik murmured to himself, maybe if he spent seven hours on his appearance Christine would come back to him. Erik shook his head again, and grunted in anger. With one smooth motion, Erik slid off of the tree, and landed on the pavement without making a noise. He shook his black cape, and was on his way back to his lair. "Too long you've wandered in winter, far from my far-reaching gaze." Erik sang softly to himself. He glanced back at Christine's mansion, and smirked to himself, and put his hands on his hips. "I will be cock of the walk!" He announced to the chilly night air. "Wait a minute…" Erik thought for a moment. "I am cock of the walk." And with a swish of his cloak he was off into the night.

The next morning, Christine was awakened by Raoul lying on her stomach, making her unable to breath.

"Urgh." Christine, shoved Raoul off of her, and onto the floor.

"Whoa!" Raoul sat up straight, running his hands through his tangled blonde hair. "Why am I on the floor?" He looked up, and noticed Christine staring at him, with her nightgown falling across her slender shoulders. "Did we totally do it?" He high-fived himself. "You haven"t put out in like three weeks, I've been dying of lust!"

Christine covered herself up with the covers, and threw Raoul a disgusted look.

"No! We did not do it. And I"m going out for a walk."

"Yea, whatever, do what you want." Raoul smirked to himself, then his smile suddenly turned into a grimace. "Oh I'm so going to barf." He got up, and sprinted for the bathroom. Christine shook her head sadly, and called for her maid to help her get dressed.

Ten minutes later, Christine was dressed in a long yellow dress, and was leaving the mansion. She slammed the door shut, cutting out Raoul's voice yelling at her to buy some toilet paper. She had only taken a couple of steps, when Christine heard someone call her name from behind her.

"Huh?" Christine turned around, and to her delight saw Meg running towards her. "Meg!" Christine exclaimed, hugging Meg. "I haven't seen you since Raoul and I got married."

"Yea, it seems like last year." Meg said smiling, brushing her blond hair out of her face.

"Uh, that's because it was last year Meg." Christine replied, rolling her eyes. "I need to have a conversation with a intellectual person." Christine thought to herself angrily. She was about to come up with another smart ass remark, when she heard a man's voice singing at the top of his lungs.

"Oh my God Meg!" Christine gasped. "Can you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Meg asked, looking at Christine strangely.

"He's here." Christine gasped, her face grew pale, and suddenly she fainted, landing heavily on the pavement.

"Christine!" Meg exclaimed, dropping to her knees. "Are you o.k.?"

Christine rolled her head, and fluttered her eyes.

"Mmm Erik." Christine murmured softly.

"Oooh." Meg said excitedly, bending down closer, trying to hear Christine clearly. "Who's Erik?"

"Yea, who is Erik?" Meg turned around warily, to see Raoul standing over her, looking pissed, and squinting his eyes, trying to block out the garish light of day.

"Oh wait." Raoul pressed his fist against his forehead. "He's the phantom, damn him!"

"Really?" Meg asked, looking interested. "What's Christine doing fantasizing about the Phantom?"

"She's not fantasizing about anyone!" Raoul answered angrily, shoving Meg aside, and leaning over Christine.

Christine fluttered her eyes again, and opened them.

"Oh Raoul, hello." She said, smiling faintly at Raoul.

"C'mon, let's go home." Raoul said, helping Christine to her feet.

"Well you are home." Meg helpfully pointed out, pointing at their mansion of a house, right behind them.

"Shut up!" Raoul shot back, shoving Christine towards their door.

"Whoa, careful." Christine said, still disoriented.

"No time." Raoul unnecessarily shouted into Christine's ear. He narrowed his eyes, the Phantom could be anywhere, watching them, trying to seduce his precious Christine. "Well all right." Raoul said to himself, she wasn't precious, but she was pretty good in the sack, so that could count.

Erik was watching Christine, Raoul, and Meg at a safe distance. His perfect plan was going perfect if he did say so himself. He scoffed at Raoul's pathetic attempts to be gentle with Christine.

"What a moron." Erik said softly to himself. But he had to admit to himself that Raoul was rather handsome. "But not as handsome as Christine." He quickly reminded himself. He stared at Christine, and smiled. Pretty soon he would be the one who would hold her. "And do more then hold her!" He shouted, scaring a nearby little girl. "You will have your angel of music again Christine, this I promise you!" He yelled, holding out his hand to Christine. Then he took his cape, and swished it a bit, and darted off into a nearby alley.


	2. Chapter 2

For the rest of the day, Raoul forced Christine to stay inside the house.

"You might over exert yourself." Raoul smiled at her, attempting to be understanding. Christine tried reading, but could only endure an hour of it before becoming incredible bored.

"There's nothing to do in this stupid house." Christine exclaimed angrily, before throwing her book angrily on the floor. She crossed her arms, and forced herself to keep her mind off of this mornings events.

"It might not have been Erik." She tried to tell herself. But deep down inside her, Christine hoped that it was Erik singing to her off in the shadows. Back in the days when he was Christine's angel of music, he had always stirred emotions in her that Raoul never could. But before she could continue thinking of Erik, Raoul burst into their room, singing wildly.

"Raoul what are you- oh my god what are you wearing?" Christine asked looking up at Raoul. "I don't know whether to laugh or throw up." Raoul was wearing no shirt, but he had tight blue shorts on.

"I know a way to lift your spirits honey." Raoul grunted, thrusting his hips wildly in Christine's direction. He jumped onto the bed, and put his hands on Christine's shoulders.

"Don't tell me you don't want this." He stood straight up, and started peeling his shorts off. "Bam chinky bam bam." He started chanting.

"Oh my god!" Christine said, looking disgusted, covering her eyes as fast as she could. "I'm really not in the mood for that Raoul. I'll be back later tonight." And without opening her eyes, she ran blindly out of the room.

"No Christine!" Raoul hollered, dropping to his knees. "You're killing me! Ah well." He said dejectedly, looking at the floor. "I might as well get to know my hand better."

Christine fairly ran out of the house, and started walking in no particular direction. She shivered and wrapped her arms around her, trying to give herself some warmth.

"Christine." Someone whispered her name.  
Christine gasped, turned around to face a man hiding in the shadows.

"Erik?" She leaned in, trying to catch a glimpse of the man's face.

"Yes it is I Christine." Erik stepped into the light, and held his hand out to Christine. "Come with me Christine, forget all your worries for just one night, and follow me."

For a moment, Christine thought of Raoul's face, but immediately discarded it.

"I miss my angel of music." She said smiling, and grabbed Erik's hand. Erik quickly gave himself a congratulatory high-five, and led her to the path of the Opera Populaire. He brought her down into his lair, walking down the passages that she once knew so well.

"I haven't been able to write music since you've left me." Erik said, turning around to face her. Forcing down feelings she didn't quite understand, Christine gently stroked his face, and slowly put her head against his strong chest. Erik wrapped his arms around her, and smiled to himself. "It's seducing time."

After quickly rejecting the idea to play the song 'That's the way Uh huh uh huh I like it', Erik decided on the good old fashion method of singing.

"_Past the point of no return - no backward glances: the games we've played till now are at an end . . ." _Erik sang softly, running his hands through Christine's hair.

"Uh, I have a question." Christine said, breaking from Erik's grasp.

"One final question?" Erik asked, putting his hands on his hips.

"Well no, I mean you already sang this song to me last year, couldn't you come up with another song?"

"Hmmph" Erik said, looking pissed. He turned away, and started to walk away.

"Not that it's a bad song." Christine quickly said, rushing to Erik's side. "It's a very sexy song. In fact, I find it a turn on." Erik turned around, and placed his hands around Christine's waist.

Christine closed her eyes, and allowed Erik to lift up her chin, and kiss her softly on her lips. Christine felt a burst of desire that Raoul had never been able rouse up inside her. She wrapped her arms around Erik's neck, and arched her back as he started to kiss her neck.

"No, no." Christine said, tearing herself out of Erik's grasp with difficulty. "We can't do this, I'm married."

"Oh o.k." Erik replied, looking slightly disappointed. "I won't force you to do something you don't want to do." He turned around, and grinned to himself. He began counting softly to himself. " In 3..2...1-"

"Oh what the hell." Christine said, and fairly jumped into Erik's muscular arms. He grinned, and tried to cover the fact that Christine was a bit heavy to carry. When they got to his magnificent swan bed, Erik happily dropped Christine.

"Ooh." Erik groaned, feeling his biceps. "I am going to ache tomorrow!" He smirked down at Christine, who was having fun playing with one of the red tassels that was attached to one of his pillows. "What sweet seduction lies before us?" He asked, before clapping twice, making all the candles extinguish, sending his lair into darkness.

"Christine!" Meg hissed, throwing tiny rocks at what she hoped was Christine's window. Before she could throw another rock, Raoul's head emerged from the window, holding a glass of wine.

"What the hell are you doing?" He asked Meg.

"I want to talk to Christine." Meg answered, dropping the handful of rocks onto the ground.

"So use the door! Why are you throwing rocks at the windows, what are you twelve?" Raoul asked, shaking his glass of wine. When he found it empty, he let it drop ten feet onto the grass.

"So where is she?" Meg asked, dragging her toe across Raoul's front lawn.

"How should I know? She ran off somewhere, doing something or someone."

"Oh. Can I come in?" Meg asked shyly.

"Yea, sure, whatever." Raoul muttered, letting out a huge burp. When Raoul met Meg at the door, for a split second he saw Erik standing in the doorway.

"Whoa, I really must be wasted." He murmured, stepping to one side, giving Meg room to walk in. "C'mon in, let's get this party started and what not." He grabbed a case of whiskey off a counter, and started walking back up to his room.


	3. Chapter 3

Christine woke up later that night feeling secure for the first time since her father had died. Beside her, Erik was tossing in his sleep, and moaning.

"What's this?" Christine asked, turning around looking at him. "Is Erik having a nightmare or a sex dream?" She smiled to herself, and fell back asleep.

In Erik's dream, he was kissing Christine. He closed his eyes, and grinned to himself. But when he opened his eyes, Christine was gone, and Raoul was standing in her place.

"What are you doing here?" Erik sneered at Raoul, and tried pinching himself so he could wake up.

"I'm here to give you what you most want." Raoul answered, striding towards Erik. Raoul grabbed Erik's neck, and kissed him fiercely.

"Aahh!" Erik woke up screaming.

"What's wrong?" Christine asked sleepily, putting her arms around Erik's broad chest.

"I just had a scary dream." Erik explained running his hands through his luscious brown locks of hair.

"Well it looks like you enjoyed that scary dream." Christine said, pointing at Erik's crotch.

"Oh geez." Erik exclaimed, jumping out of bed. "I think I'm going to take a walk."

"Suit yourself." Christine said, snuggling back under the covers. "But you may want to put some clothes on."

When Meg entered Raoul's room, she was hit with the stench of alcohol.

"Man." She said, pinching her nose. "Must you drink all this booze?"

Raoul looked at her as if she was five.

"Apparently I do bizitch."

"Did you just call me a bizitch?" Meg asked, confused.

"Enough talk." Raoul said tipsily. He dropped the case of whiskey on the rug, and stumbled towards Meg, who started to get scared.

"What are y-" Meg started to ask, but Raoul interrupted her by kissing her.

"Eww." Meg stepped back, repulsed. "You smell disgusting."

"Don't act like you're not impressed." Raoul smiled at her, and started towards her again. He had only taken two steps, when he stopped suddenly, and puked all over Meg.

"Oh my God!" Meg screamed. "You pig! Now I smell icky!" She turned around, and was ready to storm out angrily, when she heard a huge thump behind her. Meg looked over her shoulder to see Raoul passed out on his back. Normally, his blond hair was neat and tidy, and now it was matted with puke.

"How could Christine sink so low and marry him?" Meg asked herself, making a face, as she bent down to see if Raoul was still breathing. "I should go take a shower, but I might as well stay here, and make sure you don't choke on your own vomit." She said to the unconscious Raoul. "And you should be lucky that I'm being so damn generous."

Erik was walking in a daze, not looking up once to see where he was going. He randomly stopped, and looked up at a huge mansion, that had one light on.

"Of course." Erik scoffed softly to himself. "I just had to end up here at the fop's house." He was about to walk back to his lair to see Christine, when curiosity took him over. "Well, we might as well see what Raoully boy is up to." Erik grunted, as he grabbed a tree trunk and climbed up it slowly.

"Apparently night does unfurl its splendor." Erik muttered in awe, as he saw the scene that was taking place in Raoul's bedroom. Meg Giry was trying to throw Raoul on his bed, and was having some trouble. Erik would think that this was some twisted sex game when he noticed that Meg was doused in puke. "What the hell is going on?" He leaned in, trying to get a better view.

Finally Meg successfully pushed Raoul onto his bed. She rolled him onto his side, and then furiously walked out of the room. Raoul was facing toward Erik, and Erik noticed that Raoul had a very nice chest. "Whoa." Erik said confused. He suddenly became filled with a feeling that he always experienced whenever he pictured Christine naked, which was almost every second.

Back in his bedroom, Raoul slowly opened his eyes.

"Oohh." He groaned, clutching his head. "What happened? I don't remember anything since I gave Christine that delightful little strip tease."

He sat up and immediately noticed a man sitting in a tree, staring at him with a startling intensity. Raoul let out a girlish scream, and rolled off of his bed, hitting his head on the edge of Christine's bureau as he went.

In his tree, Erik watched Raoul hit his head, and before he knew what he was doing, he jumped off of the tree, and burst through Raoul's window.

"Are you o.k.?" He asked the unconscious Raoul. "You may have a concussion." Erik lifted Raoul's head, and tenderly put it on his lap. "I'm not sure what do in these situations." Erik looked around the room, and spotted a bottle of brandy lying on the floor, which was half full.

"How can a Viscount live in his own filth?" He asked himself before grabbing the glass, and pouring it over Raoul's head. Raoul didn't move.

"Ah well." Erik said starting to grin and pour more brandy over Raoul's head. "Ha, who would have thought that this would be so fun." He let the last drops hit Raoul's vomit and brandy soaked hair. "Well too bad that didn't work." Erik giggled to himself. "Oh I think I'm going crazy." Erik rolled his eyes, and started laughing. In the distance he heard someone walk up the stairs towards Raoul's room.

"Oh crap." Erik quickly stood up, letting Raoul's head slam against the floor. "Whoops." Erik turned around, and darted back out the window onto the tree, as the door opened, and Meg walked back in.

"I forgot my purse." Meg announced, looking around the room. "Oh now what?" Meg gasped, seeing Raoul lying on the floor, bleeding a little on the head.

Trusting that Meg would take care of Raoul, Erik slid off of the tree trunk, and started walking off towards his lair.

After Erik left, Christine decided to get up and dress.In the middle of buttoning up her dress, Christine was in the mood to burst out into song. "For now I find, the Phantom of the Opera is there inside my pants." She did a valiant effort of a cartwheel, but halfway up in the air, she fell over into Erik's lake.

"Are you trying to take a bath or something?" Erik asked from the gateway into his lair. Christine looked up startled, she stood up, her hair and dress were sopping with the lake's water.

"No, I fell in." She explained. "Why does your lake smell like piss and vinegar?"

"Oh, I'll never tell." Erik smirked slyly, and jumped off of his boat into the knee deep water. Christine ran up to him, and threw her arms around Erik's neck. She kissed his cheek, and smiled up at him.

"I guess I should go home though." Christine said, pulling out of his grasp, and resumed buttoning up her dress.

"Home? Back to the fop?" Erik asked incredulously. "Why won't you stay here?"

"Hey." Christine answered, straightening her dress out. "It's not like I won't come back here, but what will the neighbors think if the Countess de Chagny doesn't go back to her home?"

Erik rolled his eyes. As much as he loved her, Christine could really be stupid. "All right you can go home, but come here for a moment." He held out his arms, and Christine rushed into them.

Erik brushed back the dark curls that had fallen into Christine's eyes. He kissed her passionately, pulling her closer towards him. She moaned with a sense of longing.

"Well, maybe I can stay here a little longer."


	4. Chapter 4

When Raoul awoke the next morning, he was in so much pain, he could barely open his eyes. Groaning, he rolled over onto his side, and saw a extremely pissed off Meg sitting in a chair nearby.

"What are you doing here?" Raoul managed to ask, before gripping his head in pain.

"Well for some reason all of your servants are gone, so I stayed here to make sure you didn't die during the night." Meg abruptly stood up. "But now, unfortunately you survived the night, and I'm leaving. And if I never see you again, I'll die a happy woman." She slammed out of the house, causing Raoul's head to throb uncomfortably.

"Women." He muttered to himself, and buried himself back under the covers.

Christine awoke to Erik pounding on his organ. She wrapped the blankets around herself, and walked over to him.

"Must you play that when I'm trying to sleep?" She asked, sitting down next to him.

"I'm not going to lie to you Christine, yes I do need to play it when you're sleeping." Erik stood up, and started rummaging around behind his organ. Christine sat on the organ's bench, a little puzzled at Erik's statement. Erik remerged from behind the organ, fastening on his cape.

"Are you going somewhere?" Christine asked, standing up.

"I'm taking you home." Erik replied, handing Christine her dress.

"Home?" Christine asked, grabbing her dress. "Why would I want to go back home?"

"Just do what I say bizitch." Erik said calmly, smiling down at Christine.

"Did you just call me a bizitch?" Christine asked, pulling on her dress. After a moment of silence, Erik slowly said,

"No, no I didn't. Now let's go." Erik took her arm, and led her to his boat.

"I'll be able to come back won't I?" Christine asked, trying to comb out the tangles in her hair with her fingers.

"Sure baby." Erik swung her around. "No one can stay away from the Erik meister for too long." Erik quickly did a smooth macho man dance, and continued to climb onto his boat.

Raoul emerged from the bed covers, when he heard Christine run into the house.

"No respect for the injured." He said through gritted teeth, as Christine opened the door, and stepped into their room.

"Oh good Lord." She said, stepping over empty bottles of brandy, whiskey and god only knew what else. "What have you been up to." She glared at Raoul, who was looking disgusting. Raoul tugged on the ends of his unruly blonde hair, and frowned at Christine. He looked at her from her wild hair to her dress that was hanging off of her shoulders.

"How about you?" He leered at her, standing up with some difficulty. "Were you out cheating on me with some guy?" Raoul looked as if he was going fall over, but managed to stay on his two feet. "You won't have sex with me, but you'll sleep with some random guy?"

Christine wrinkled her face against Raoul's rancid breath.

"What does it matter to you?" She asked, staring Raoul in the face. With astounding strength for a pansy, Raoul backhanded Christine, making her fall onto the floor.

"You are my wife goddammit." Raoul hissed, picking up Christine by the sleeve of her dress. "You will obey me in every aspect." Christine stared at him, he had split her lip open with the force of the hit.

"You bastard." Christine spat in Raoul's face. Raoul picked her up by the waist, and threw her on the bed.

"Hussy." Raoul snarled at her, ripping the corset of Christine's dress open.

"Eergh." Christine grunted, kicking Raoul in the crotch as hard as she could.

"Ouch." Raoul rolled over onto his side, giving Christine time to get off of the bed,

and run towards the door. Recovering quickly, Raoul grabbed Christine's waist, turned her around and punched her in the face.

Christine fell, unconscious into Raoul's arms. Raoul picked her up and was about to bring her back to the bed, when Erik burst in the window.

"I'd thought I'd see what you were up to." Erik said, punching Raoul, forcing him to drop Christine onto the floor. Erik tackled Raoul, and they both slid across the floor. Erik head butted Raoul, and backhanded him a couple of times. Finally Erik stood up, and started to walk away. Then he turned back around, and kicked Raoul in the stomach.

He knelt over Christine's still form, and gently picked her up. He wiped the trace of blood off of her lips, and started carrying her out of the room. He stopped, and turned around when Raoul made a sound.

"I'm sorry." He rasped through his already puffed up lips. In spite of his hatred for Raoul, seeing him look so pitiful, gave Erik a tug of longing. Ignoring that feeling, Erik turned back around, and walked out of Raoul's house.


	5. Chapter 5

When Erik got to his lair, he tenderly put Christine down on his bed, and watched over her until she woke up. When Christine finally did wake up, she had a pounding headache, and could hardly open up her left eye it was so swollen.

"Here." Erik said, pressing a moist cloth against her eye.

"Thanks." Christine replied, smiling at him. "Ouch." She frowned, touching her split lip softly. "I hope that bastard gets what's coming to him."

"Don't worry, the guns took care of him." Erik smirked, referring to his fists.

"Oh well, thank god." Christine smiled, and leaned forward to kiss Erik.

"I know something that will get your mood up." Erik winked, and disappeared from Christine's sight. Christine held the cloth against her eye, and was pleasantly shocked when Erik jumped back into view a couple of seconds later, with his cape wrapped tightly around his body.

"Hey, would you look at that." Christine said, as Erik let go of his hold on the cape. "You're not wearing anything under there."

"I'm too sexy for my cape, too sexy for my cape, so sexy it hurts." Erik chanted, unfastening his cape, and throwing it at Christine's face. Christine started laughing, and Erik began to take his mask off. "I'm too sexy for my mask, too sexy for my mask, so sexy it hurts." He flung it over his head, and with a splash, it landed in his lake.

"Nooo!" He screamed, diving into the lake. "My mask." He cried, holding it up in the air. "My first unfeeling scrap of clothing is wet and dirty." His mask was dripping with strange yellow water. Erik stood up, and lovingly wrapped his mask up in a piece of fabric that was randomly lying around. As Erik slowly walked towards her, Christine excitedly threw the cloth on the floor, grabbed Erik's neck, and pulled him towards her.

A couple of hours later, Erik decided to check up on Raoul.

"Just to see what the pansy's up to." He told himself, as he pulled on some pants. When he first stepped outside, a young girl stared at him, before screaming, and running off.

"Still got it." Erik told himself, pulling up his shirt collar. He strutted down the street, and a few paces later, a woman gave him a dirty look, and quickly walked off. "Yea, that's right lady, go piss yourself." Erik smirked at her, and slid his hands over his face. "Oh god." Erik yelled in horror. "I forgot to put my mask on!" He swished his cape over his face, and continued on his way to Raoul's house.

Over at his house, Raoul was a mess. He was throwing things around, in a senseless rage. He even tried on one of Christine's dresses to make him feel better, but it didn't work. He flopped onto their bed, crying shamelessly.

"Christine!" He cried, burying his head into his pillow.

"What are you doing?" A voice asked Raoul. Raoul turned around to see Erik looking at him from outside the window.

"What are you doing?" Raoul growled at Erik.

"I just thought that I'd see how the rapist was handling things." Erik smiled at Raoul.

"I am not a rapist!" Raoul snarled at Erik, balling his hands into little balls.

"Yea, well, your face is." Erik shot back, at a loss of what to say.

"Your face." Raoul muttered, looking at Erik's deformed face with disgust.

"Bitch." Erik yelled, covering up his right side of his face. He was about to run off, when he smelled something quite tasty. "Oohh." Erik smiled, leaning in towards Raoul.

"What is that I smell?"

Raoul smirked, and held out his arm.

"It's my cologne. You like?"

"Oh yea!" Erik exclaimed, grabbing Raoul's arm, and sniffed it deeply. "Is that peaches 'n cream?"

"Mmhmm." Raoul nodded vigorously, feeling proud of himself. For a moment, Erik stood there, sniffing Raoul's arm. He looked up, and stared at Raoul. After a awkward pause, Erik quickly dropped Raoul's arm.

"I should be going." He muttered, and quickly turned around. "Whoa." Erik exclaimed, not looking where he was going, and he accidentally fell out of the tree.

Feeling thoroughly distressed, Raoul flopped back onto his bed, and fell asleep.

Two maids, standing in the doorway into Raoul's bedroom and witnessed Raoul's whole crying scene.

"I think he's finally gone crazy." The blonde one said nonchalantly, randomly dusting the wall.

"Yea, good thing I slept with him before his insanity kicked in." The brunette said, twirling a piece of hair between her fingers.

"You slept with Raoul?" The blonde one asked. "Was he good?"

"Oh, Liz a lady never tells." The brunette giggled.

"Yea, so tell me about it."

For the next couple of weeks, Christine and Erik lived in perfect harmony, and Erik kept spying on Raoul, for reasons he couldn't explain to himself. After living with Christine for a month, Erik left his lair to do some errands, and came back to find a pale faced Christine sitting on the floor.

"Oh god." Erik said, dropping some food on the floor of his lair. "Is this the part in our love story when you dump me, because you know I've been spying on your husband?" After a short pause, Erik quickly said, "which I haven't been, by the way."

Christine stared at him, and managed to say, "No, this is the part when I say I think I'm pregnant."


	6. Chapter 6

For a moment, Erik's sight went out of focus.

"Are you sure?" He managed to ask her, a bit dazed.

"Pretty sure." Christine said, wrapping her arms around her stomach. "I have been throwing up lately."

"I just thought my cooking sucked. But if you are pregnant, what if the baby is deformed?" Erik asked, touching his mask.

"It won't matter either way." Christine told him, kissing him softly. "I'm going to go out for a walk, but I'll be back later." And she left Erik to his thoughts.

After Erik left, Raoul got up, and decided to try and win Christine back. He changed into his manly clothes, and slathered his peaches n cream cologne all over. He made a trip to a jewelry store, and a flower shop, and on his way out of the flower shop, he had the great opportunity to run into Christine.

"Christine!" He yelled out, holding out the bouquet of flowers to

Christine. Christine stared at Raoul with a look of revulsion.

"Don't touch me." Christine warned him, taking a step back.

"Christine, please." Raoul pleaded, grabbing her arm. "Come back to me, I made a terrible mistake, I'm a mess without you."

"Maybe you should have thought about that before hitting me you asshole." Christine hissed at him, wrenching her arm out of Raoul's grasp. She abruptly turned around, and stalked off. "Oh, and you might want to take a bath. "Christine called over her shoulder. "You smell disgusting."

"Damn." Raoul muttered.

"Ha ha ha." Erik laughed behind Raoul. Raoul quickly turned around and faced him. "That was pathetic." Erik helpfully informed Raoul. "You'll never win her back. And you might want to try something more romantic to make her come back to you, you self absorbed moron."

Raoul was going to make a scathing remark, when he noticed Erik's strong arms. He decided not to say anything that might make Erik beat the shit out of him again. Raoul couldn't take his eyes off of Erik's strong arms. "Those are very nice." He told himself.

"I mean, well at least I'm not a disfigured monster." Raoul took a cheap shot at Erik. Erik only smiled.

"Can a disfigured monster do this?" Erik waltzed away from Raoul, and passed by three identical blond bimbos, and winked at them. All three of them blushed, and started giggling madly.

"Look there he goes isn't he dreamy?" One of them began singing shrilly.

"Monsieur Erik oh he's so cute. Be still my heart, I'm hardly breathing, he's such a tall, dark, strong and handsome brute."

"Yea, well I'm a Vicomte." Raoul shouted at Erik's retreating figure. "I can have sex with any woman I want!" Raoul looked down, and saw Erik's wriggling buttocks, and couldn't help but like what he saw.

When Christine got back to Erik's lair, she noticed that Erik was gone.

She stepped up out of the water, and had a sudden urge to throw up. She quickly ran to the bathroom, and once she was done, she put her head into her lap.

"Now I know how Raoul feels every morning." She muttered weakly to herself.

"Christine?" Erik's voice called to her.

"Yea?" Christine managed to stand up, and walked up to him.

"O.k." Erik said excitedly, holding up a package. "I bumped into Raoul today, and I thought that he looked like a fish, so I thought we could have fish for dinner."

"What?" Christine asked, still a little queasy.

"Voila." Erik said, ripping open the package to reveal a raw fish

Christine made a strange noise, and couldn't help but puke all over the fish.

"Sorry." She murmured feebly.

"That's o.k." Erik replied, tossing the soiled fish over his shoulder into the lake. "I have eight more in the boat."

Raoul was feeling a little down, so he decided to sleep with one of the blond bimbos that sang at Erik earlier that day.

"Christine." Raoul smiled, stroking the blond.

"Christine?" The bimbo asked, looking highly affronted.

"I mean Christine, no Erik, no Christine, whoa." Raoul rolled off of the bed, as the blond bimbo shoved him off.

"My name is Maria. You told me that my name was the most beautiful sound you ever heard."

"I'm not going to lie to you Maria." Raoul said, pulling the covers off

of him. "I _so_ lied when I told you that."

Maria the bimbo, gave him an icy stare, and stalked out of his room.

Raoul contemplated whether or not to go after Maria, and decided he wanted a drink more then anything.


	7. Chapter 7

Erik was on his way back to the store to get some more dinner, since Christine rejected his fish idea. He tried keeping to the shadows so he wouldn't bump into Raoul.

"Everywhere I go, I bump into that dweeb." Erik muttered to himself flattening himself against a building. He was about to dart into a store, when he heard a girl talking angrily about Raoul to another girl.

"Well I might as well listen to this conversation." Erik leaned against a door in order to hear the girl properly.

"So Raoul was acting all sweet, then in bed he totally said the wrong name." The girl was saying. A couple of girls that Erik couldn't see gasped.

"And he also said a guy's name." The girl finished disgustedly.

Erik laughed to himself.

"Can it be that Raoul is gay?" Erik asked himself, biting into a random piece of sausage.

"What name?" One of the girls inquired curiously.

"Erik." The first girl said.

"Pfft." Erik started choking on the sausage. He wrapped his arms aroundhis neck, and started hacking wildly.

"Do you hear something?" One of the girls asked.

"No." The first girl said bluntly, and Erik could hear them walking off. Erik slid to his knees, still choking feebly. From behind him, two strong arms wrapped around Erik's stomach, and started to push. With a spit, the piece of sausage went flying out of Erik's mouth.

"Thanks." Erik said weakly, turning around to face the person who saved him. "Oh it's you, I should have known, I can't leave the lair without seeing you."

"What are you talking about?" Madame Giry asked, staring at Erik strangely.

"Nothing." Erik said quickly. "But," he pointed at Madame Giry, "if you are insinuating that I was hoping it was Raoul that saved me you are wrong Madame Giry. Dead wrong!" He swished his cloak, and bounded off into the darkness.

"Why do I even leave the Opera House?" She asked herself, and started walking back to the Opera Populaire.

Raoul was getting spectacularly drunk.

"So this is what life is all about." He said, squinting at his beer can. "Getting wasted all alone on a Saturday night." He rubbed his unshaven face, and groaned loudly. "I need to sober up. Bella!" He bellowed loudly. Two seconds later, Bella the maid appeared with her duster.

"Yes Guv'nor?" She asked, dusting her hair.

"Get me a drink that will sober me up, and quit the cockney crap." Raoul said, throwing himself on his bed.

"Got it. One brandy coming up." Bella smiled at Raoul, and strutted back downstairs. Raoul leaned out of the window, and saw a couple stop right below his window. They kissed, and Raoul felt a bit bitter.

"Why should anyone be happy when I'm not?" Raoul asked himself. "That couple doesn't deserve to have any happiness unless Christine comes back to me." Raoul leaned further out of the window, and vomited all over the happy couple.

Raoul settled back on his bed, and felt a little happier listening to the couple's angry cries.

Christine was trying to play on Erik's organ just for the hell of it,

when Erik barged into his lair, looking a bit frazzled.

"Let's do it." Erik stated, running up to Christine and he picked her up.

"What?" Christine asked, a little startled. "But I'm pregnant."

"So?" Erik asked, panting slightly. "It won't hurt the baby." Erik threw Christine on his swan bed, and clapped to make all the candles go out. "Now who thinks Raoul is hot?" Erik asked into the darkness.

There was a slight pause, and then Christine asked "What?"

Raoul was on his way to Erik's lair to try and talk to Christine. He stumbled over a rock, and fell onto the road.

"Ok," Raoul said to himself, practicing the speech he was going to give to Christine. "Erik you complete me." Raoul gave himself a high-five. "That will do nicely." He told himself. "Wait, not Erik, Christine." He shook his head, and continued on walking in the dark. He stopped when he got to the Opera Populaire. Raoul gripped the doorknob, and tried to clear his head.

"Now if I remember correctly, Madame Giry led me to Erik's lair this way." He walked into the Opera house, and took a left. After a couple of moments Raoul came to a door. "And voila, I'm at his lair." Raoul said triumphantly, opening up the door. Raoul stuck his head through the doorway, and saw that he was not in Erik's lair, but the ballet girl's dressing rooms.

"Sorry ladies." Raoul said, getting over his drunken shock. "I may not be at the Phantom's lair, but this is one step better." He tried to step inside the room, but one of the girls threw her pointe shoe at him. "Aahh!" Raoul screamed, as the pointe shoe hit him squarely on the forehead. "Who throws a shoe?" Raoul asked, backing slowly out of the room. "Honestly?" Raoul slammed the door, and continued on his way to Erik's lair.

After an hour of aimlessly wandering, Raoul finally found the entrance to Erik's lair.

"Yes!" Raoul screamed, jumping up and down wildly. "I'm here." He bounded down the long hallway, and noticed a mirror randomly hanging over the threshold leading into Erik's domain. "My god!" Raoul gasped. "My hair! It looks atrocious." He shoved his hand into his pocket, and pulled out a small bottle. "Good thing I always carry my Vicomte's Only hair gel." He turned the bottle over his unruly hair, and styled it to perfection quickly.

He sloshed through the knee-deep water, not seeing Erik's boat that was hidden in the shadows. "Christine!" Raoul screamed, tripping over nothing, and falling into the water with a splash. "Christine!" He shouted, standing up.

Erik opened his eyes to Raoul's incessant screams.

"What the hell?" He sat up in his bed, and the covers slid off of his broad chest.

"Eep." Raoul let out a womanly squeal, when he saw Erik's bare chest.

"What's going on?" Christine asked groggily, also sitting up.

"Christine!" Raoul gasped. "We get split up for a month, and you are already sleeping around? You whore!" Christine and Erik stared at each other, apparently at a loss of what to say.

"Raoul!" Everyone's head turned, as a girl came bounding through the lair up to Raoul. "Geez, I've been chasing you through all these twists and turns to this godforsaken place." She looked up and saw Erik and Christine staring at her. "Whoa." She turned to Raoul, and tried to catch her breath. "Anyway, I know we're going on that date tonight, but I forgot to tell you where you can pick me up." She leaned in to Raoul's ear, and started to whisper.

Raoul's eyes bulged out, and the girl smirked slyly. She slapped Raoul's butt, and left the lair. Raoul turned, and looked at Erik and Christine glaring at him.

"All right, I'm leaving." Raoul muttered, and started to walk off. "But

I'll be back to win Erik, I mean Christine's fair heart."


	8. Chapter 8

After Raoul left, Christine turned to face Erik.

"I think we should move."

"Move?" Erik asked, getting out of the bed. "Why would we want to move out of my love shack?"

"Well because everyone knows where your 'love shack' is located. We might want to move somewhere where people aren't barging in here every two seconds."

"What are you talking about?" Erik asked, pulling on some pants.

"Plus," Christine added. "This isn't really a great place to raise a child."

"How dare you." Erik gasped. "This would make a great nursery." He raised his arms up, and pointed at his lake. "Look a little pool for the tyke to swim in." Christine made a face, and continued talking.

"Plus, this place is practically swarming with rats."

"No." Erik said, putting his hands on his hips. "Show me one rat."

"There goes one." Christine pointed, as a brown rat ran by. Erik jumped a bit, to avoid touching the rat.

"All right." Erik said, sitting back down next to Christine. "We can move out my love shack, into what you call a normal house. God knows I have enough money."

Christine clapped her hands together happily, and hugged Erik. Erik smirked to himself, and noticed some cheese over her shoulder.

"Ooh cheese." He said, grabbing a piece of cheese, and shoving it in his mouth.

Meg was hurrying along the Opera's corridors; she was two minutes late for rehearsal. She stopped suddenly, when Raoul passed by her, and stopped to tie his shoe.

"Here's for puking on me." She whispered, raising up her foot, and kicking Raoul on the ass. The force of the kick sent Raoul flying, and he slammed into a wall. He fell backwards, and landed heavily on the marble floor.

"Meg Giry!" Meg swiveled around to see Madame Giry storm towards her angrily. "I thought I brought you up better then to see you stoop to such low standards."

"But mother." Meg whined, as Madame Giry grabbed her wrist and started to pull her away from Raoul. "He deserved that and then some."

"That's not the point." Madame Giry hissed at Meg. "Now get back to rehearsal." Madame Giry pushed Meg towards the stage door, and turned around to look at Raoul. "Now what are we going to with you?" She asked Raoul's pitiful form.

Christine pulled out of Erik's grasp, and stood up excitedly. Erik also quickly became excited seeing that Christine didn't have any clothes on.

"We have so much to do." She began pacing back and forth.

"What, you want to look at houses already?" Erik asked, flopping lazily on the bed.

"Yes!" Christine plopped down on the bed next to him. "But first, I think I should go to Raoul's house, and get my stuff." Erik arched his eyebrows.

"I don't think it's safe to go to his house alone, I'll come with you." Christine looked around, and spotted her black dress lying on the floor across the lair.

"Don't be silly, I'm a grown woman, I can handle him by myself." She pulled on her dress, and leaned down, so Erik could button up her dress. Erik rolled his eyes as he buttoned her dress. Only he could handle Raoul. "Hmm." He said to himself. "I kind of like how that sounds."

Raoul woke up outside of the Opera Populaire.

"What the hell?" He asked, sitting up, rubbing his sore legs. He shook his head, he was used to waking up in strange places. After some trouble, he stood up, and made his way back home. When he got to his house, he heard loud noises coming from his room. Raoul ran up the stairs as fast as he could, and when he reached his room, he saw Christine packing her things furiously into a huge bag.

"So it's really over?" He asked dejectedly, stepping into the room. Christine turned around, and smiled sarcastically at Raoul.

"What makes you finally realize that Raoul?" She asked, brushing her hair out of her eyes, and continued packing her stuff into a bag. "Maybe it's the fact that I haven't lived with you for a month, or the fact that I'm pregnant with Erik's-." Christine abruptly stopped talking, and pressed her fist against her mouth. Raoul gasped, and took a step towards her.

"You're pregnant with that monster's baby?" He asked, hardly containing his anger. Christine pulled the suitcase off of the bed, and walked up to Raoul, until they were nose to nose.

"You're the monster." She told him scathingly. Before either one of them knew what happened, Raoul raised up his left hand, and backhanded her. Christine gasped, and fell against the bureau. Raoul had an urge to push her down the stairs, and had to restrain himself by grabbing a glass ball off of the top of the bureau, and he squeezed it tightly between both of his hands.

"Bastard." She hissed at him, grabbing her bag, and she swept down the stairs, leaving Raoul standing alone gripping the glass ball. He looked down at the glass ball, and noticed it as the one Christine gave him for their anniversary. Inside were a man and a woman who looked like Christine and him holding hands. Christine had "To my Darling" inscribed on the front of it. Raoul looked up to see the one woman he had ever loved walk out on him.

He squeezed the ball tighter, and dimly felt it shatter in his hands, and felt no pain. He only tightened his fist, digging the shards of glass deeper into his palm. An hour later, Bella the maid came into Raoul's room to do some dusting, and found him standing in the middle of the room clenching his fist,

with droplets of blood dripping down the side of his hand.

"Cute." She said, backing out of the room, leaving Raoul to himself.

One month later, Christine had found the perfect house, and Erik and her were in the process of moving into it. Erik stood before the huge white house with a huge bag filled with Christine's things.

"What the hell is in here?" Erik asked, dropping the bag onto the pavement. He heard a loud smash, as something undoubtedly broke.

"My spices!" Christine gasped, rushing over to her fallen bag. Erik grinned sheepishly at her. "Home sweet home." She smiled, and hugged Erik. She drew back, and put her hands on her stomach. "I am getting so fat." She complained.

"That's what happens when you get pregnant." Erik told her. He stepped back and looked her up and down. Christine's once flat stomach had started to round out a little, and she wasn't happy about it. "More of you to love anyway." Erik said, slapping her ass. Christine giggled, and ran over to supervise the movers.

"What is going on here?" Erik turned around to see none other then Raoul himself. Unfortunately, Christine's perfect house was located across from Raoul's house.

"Well, Christine and I are moving in here." Erik smirked at Raoul. Raoul gasped.

"You're moving out of the love shack?" Raoul asked in dismay, looking up at the white house.

"I know." Erik said, nodding. "But what Christine wants, I provide." He stopped talking, and breathed in deeply. "What happened to the Peaches n Cream cologne?" He asked.

"It didn't have enough pizzazz." Raoul explained, holding his arms out in front of Erik's nose. "I replaced it with Strawberries n Nuts." Erik grabbed his arm, and inhaled.

"Ooh, nice." Erik nodded at Raoul. Over his head, Raoul noticed Christine walking towards them. In no mood to talk to Christine yet, Raoul pulled his arm out of Erik's grasp.

"I should be going." Raoul said quickly, and started walking off.

"Can it be that you just had a civilized conversation with Raoul?" Christine asked in Erik's ear.

"I know, I'm as shocked as you are." Erik replied, staring at Raoul's back. Raoul did a little thrust of his hips, and Erik turned around with a silly grin on his face. He wrapped his arm around Christine's waist, and they both walked into their new house.


	9. Chapter 9

It was only two weeks after living at their so-called perfect house when Christine started to get a bit moody. Erik figured that it was because she was pregnant, but her moodiness still irritated him, and scared him. One night, Erik was lying peacefully in his swan bed, reading on how to pimp up masks, when Christine burst in wildly.

"Did you eat my pickle?" She accused Erik, holding up a stub of a pickle.

"Actually," Erik said, sitting up. "I used it to see if it was bigger then-ahem." Erik broke off, and blushed. "Yea I ate it." He said, nodding vigorously.

"Well that's just great." Christine snarled, throwing the stub of a pickle at Erik's head. "I have to eat for two now, and you go around eating everything like a selfish pig." She burst into tears, and threw herself on the swan bed dramatically. Erik stared at her wide-eyed. He had an urge to kiss her, but he decided not to push it.

"Umm." Erik moved over to her. He started rubbing her shoulders, and he started to sing "The Music of the Night" to her softly. Christine angrily turned around, and pushed him away from her. "Bitch." Erik cried, hurt that his ultimate cool song hadn't worked. He angrily stomped out of the room, and Christine burst into a fresh batch of tears, and flung herself headfirst onto a pillow.

* * *

When Raoul heard someone knock on his door, he slowly made his way to answer it. He wasn't expecting anyone special. So when Raoul flung open the door, he was quite shocked to see Erik standing in his doorway.

"What are you doing here?" Raoul asked the distraught Erik. Erik stepped into the room.

"Christine yelled at me, and my ultimate sexy song failed to soothe her, and I needed advice, and you were married to her for a year, and I just ended up here." Erik took a deep breath, and looked at Raoul with pleading eyes. Raoul furrowed his brow in concentration. He needed to give Erik sage advice.

"Ok, you need some booze!" Raoul said enthusiastically, jumping up into the air into a heel-click.

"Sorry I don't drink." Erik said, putting his hands into his pockets.

"Uh ok." Raoul said turning around. He grabbed a bottle of vodka, and dumped it into a glass. "Have some water." He said, handing it to Erik. Erik took it, and cautiously took a sip.

"Bleh, this water tastes like my mask left out in the sun too long." Erik made a face. He put the glass down the table, and there was an awkward silence.

Five minutes later, Erik was downing shots of vodka, and was getting quite drunk. Raoul sat back in his chair, and watched Erik rant and rave with some amusement.

"And she's always like 'Erik don't do that to the toilet, it's unsanitary!'" Erik pushed his empty glass at Raoul.

"I think you've had enough 'water'." Raoul said.

"I think I haven't." Erik shouted at Raoul. "And she won't let me eat butter. She says she doesn't want me to ruin my buns of steel." Erik leaned in towards Raoul, giggling. "But I secretly eat butter, shh, don't tell her." Before Raoul could answer, Erik jumped on the chair, and shoved his butt in Raoul's face. "Now can you tell me my butt is less then magnificent?"

"No it's fine." Raoul managed to squeak out. Erik fell back into his chair with a thump.

"See, the fop gets it, why can't she?" Erik struggled to focus on Raoul's face. He was a bit confused with everything that happened in the past fifteen minutes. He closed his eyes, and leaned towards Raoul.

"What is he doing?" Raoul asked. With a gasp he realized that Erik was going to kiss him, and he wanted him to. Raoul closed his eyes, and prepared for the kiss of his life. With a thump, Raoul felt something heavy bump against his chest. Opening his eyes, he noticed Erik passed out on his chest. "Damn." He muttered. He wrapped his arms around Erik's waist, and tried to pick him up. "Ahh!" He yelled, as he fell backwards, taking Erik with him.

"This really is twisted in every way." Raoul looked up to see Bella the maid staring at him. Well aware that Erik was on top of him, and this didn't look very good, Raoul only yelled at Bella,

"Just shut up and help me carry him."

* * *

Erik woke up face down on his swan bed. He looked up, and clutched his head, when sharp pains stabbed at him.

"I remember…" He squeezed his eyes shut, and tried to clear the swirling mist out of his head. "I don't remember anything, except I had a fight with Christine." He stood up, and noticed Christine across the room, sitting in a chair reading. "Christine?" He asked, almost falling as he made his way over to her.

"I see you've woken up." She said not looking at him. "I found you lying on the doorstep, drunk as a lemur, just like Raoul."

"It was water that I was drinking." Erik tried explaining. He wrapped his arms around Christine's neck. "I'm sorry I swore at you, and ate your pickle. Whenever I see a pickle, whenever I see any food, I'll ask you before I eat it."

"You don't need to make fun of me." Christine said, raising up her

shoulders in defense.

"I'm not." Erik grabbed Christine's shoulders, and spun her around. "I will never do anything to make you mad."

"Oh Erik." Christine threw her book over her shoulder, and kissed Erik on the lips. Erik pushed her against the wall, and moaned

"Raoul."

"What?" Christine asked, pushing Erik away from her.

"Uh, Raoul!" Erik said quickly and suavely (if he thought so himself), pointing out the window, where Raoul was sitting on the grass screaming things that were unknown to the human tongue.

"What fresh hell?" Christine hissed, moving to the window.

"Phew, what a blessed relief I was saved by the nut job." Erik leaned against the wall, and wiped his forehead. "Now why did I say that fop's name?" He concentrated hard, and was only rewarded by his head throbbing harder.

"Oh my God!" Christine screamed, breaking into Erik's thoughts. Erik quickly rushed over to the window, and gasped. Raoul was sitting in the grass playing bongos. Naked.

"Wow." Erik said, leaning further out the window. "I can see it's a cold night." Christine slapped him, and turned away from the window.

"I'm afraid if I look any longer I may be sick." She said rubbing her arms.

"No Christine look!" Erik pointed out the window excitedly. "The police are here!"

Down on the grass, Raoul was oblivious to all, playing his heart out on the bongos.

"Yea." He jammed out, banging his head. Suddenly two arms reached out from under Raoul's armpit, and pushed him up. "What?" Raoul looked around wildly, seeing two grim looking police officers standing behind him, he tried squirming his way to freedom.

"You're going nowhere nude-o." One of the officers said, holding Raoul in an iron tight grip.

"Nude-o?" Raoul gasped in indignation. "Uh, you don't understand, I'm here for a, uh party with the people who live here. Yeah that sounds right. Erik!" Raoul started screaming up at the house. "Erik!"

"Oh God." The officer was looking a bit troubled. "Here, you take him."

He said, thrusting Raoul at the other officer.

"No way." The officer said, looking as if he was about to puke.

"Erik!" Raoul screamed one last time as the officers started to cart him away.

"What is he screaming about?" Christine asked, still not daring to look out the window.

"I think he wants me to save him from the ordeal he's going through."

Erik replied, with a bit of amusement. "Oh Christine you have to see this, Raoul got away from the police, and now he's running towards his house. Ouch." Erik winced. "Both of the officers just tackled him. Ha, that's going to ruin his weekend." Christine laughed.

"He deserves it. Anyway, I'm going to bed. Are you coming?"

"In a minute." Erik said, still looking out the window. "I think I better go straighten up this mess. Raoul wouldn't last an hour in jail."

"Yea." Christine snorted, slipping on her nightgown over her head. "He might see a scary shadow." Erik swished his cape madly, and made his way outside to save Raoul from the predicament that he was in.


	10. Chapter 10

Erik awoke the next day feeling proud of himself. His hangover was completely gone, and he had completed a good deed. Last night he had run outside, and told the police officers that Raoul was mentally challenged. The police were only too happy to let go of the naked Raoul and toss him over to Erik.

"Ok." Erik had said, holding the naked Raoul a couple of inches away from him. "Let's get you back to your house." Raoul turned around drunkenly.

"Oh Erik, you are the one I've been looking for." And he had passed out in Erik's arms.

"You don't know what you're talking about." Erik had said, a little flattered though if he did say so himself. Erik decided to return the favor, and he left the drunken naked Raoul passed out on his own doorstep.

Erik walked downstairs, with a little twist in his step.

"What a beautiful morning!" He screamed ecstatically, stepping into his kitchen.

"What's so beautiful about it?" A glum Christine asked him, sitting alone at the table. "Look at me." She pointed to her stomach that had started to swell out even more. "My figure is gone, my beautiful figure." She wrapped her arms around her stomach, and sighed deeply. "I suppose I should be happy that we're going to have a kid but," Christine stood up from the table. "I really need some chocolate." She started rummaging around in the cupboards.

Erik shook his head. "Women." He muttered softly. "Men are so much better than any woman. Women can't do this." Full of vigor, Erik jumped on the table and started dancing wildly. "C'mon baby." Erik shouted at Christine, putting his hands in his belt buckles, and twisting his hips in a circle.

"I'm not in the mood." Christine grumbled, and sort of waddled up the stairs. Erik didn't feel like stopping in mid-dance, so he kept on twisting, and high kicking for awhile before noticing the milkman standing in front the door, staring at him with an open mouth.

"Don't act like you're not impressed!" Erik pointed at the milkman, who quickly turned around and darted away. Erik ended his splendid dance, by falling into a split.

* * *

Raoul woke up, angry and depressed and with a hangover the size of

Nantucket. He stumbled blearily around the room, and looked out of the window, and noticed Christine and Erik's house.

"Oh Erik, how I love thee." Raoul said dreamily, laying his head on the windowpane. He immediately stood up in shock, and slammed his head against the top of the window. "Fuck!" He screamed, as pain shot into his head. He fell to the floor, grabbing at his head. "Mmph." He groaned, rolling around on the rug. Finally, after the pain in his head subsided, Raoul lay motionless on the ground. "I can't believe after all those stereotypes calling me a fop, and it actually is true." Raoul paused for a moment. "No." He said. "I'm not a fop. It was a slip of a tongue caused by my hangover. I don't like men, let alone Erik. I'm all about the ladies. In fact I think I'm going to go find a woman to sleep with right now."

* * *

Bella the maid was sitting at the kitchen table, reading a magazine, when Raoul burst into the room, looking all flushed.

"We are going to have sex." He announced to the startled Bella.

"Like I haven't heard that already today." Bella said smugly as Raoul

picked her up, and pushed her against the wall. With a flick of his wrist, Raoul ripped the back open of Bella's dress, and pulled it down to her knees. Bella closed her eyes, and waited for Raoul to work his magic. And waited. Finally she opened her eyes to see Raoul standing in front of her, panting slightly.

"Well?" She asked impatiently.

"I can't." Raoul said, blushing slightly.

"What do you mean you can't?" Bella asked.

"What do you think?" Raoul shot at her.

"Oohh." Bella said, understanding at last. "Let Bella help." She walked up to him, and grabbed his crotch in her hands.

"Nngh." Raoul let out a squeak.

"How does that inspire you?" Bella asked, releasing Raoul's crotch from iron grip she had it in. Raoul quickly turned around, and hobbled back up the stairs.

"How embarrassing." Bella commented, pulling her dress back on. "Raoul will be so embarrassed, when I tell everyone that the Vicomte couldn't seal the deal."

* * *

After eating a hearty breakfast, Erik went upstairs to see Christine.

"Christine?" He asked cautiously, walking into their room. He looked around, and saw Christine asleep on the bed. He walked up to her sleeping form, and gently brushed some strands of hair, that had fallen into her eyes. Christine was being quite a pill lately, but Erik still loved her. He gently lay his head down on her swollen stomach. "Oh my god!" Erik stood up excitedly as he felt something. "The baby just kicked! Wait 'til I tell Raoul!"

"Tell Raoul what?" Christine asked, opening up her eyes.

"Uh, tell Raoul he's fat yea, that's it." Erik nodded his head up and down quickly.

"Well on your way to tell him that, will you pick up some chocolate?"

Christine asked, rolling over onto her side.

"I remain your obedient servant." Erik bowed to Christine, and swept out of the room.

* * *

Thirty minutes later, Raoul patched up his lack up manliness by wearing tight leather pants.

"And I'm set for the count!" He said jumping down the stairs. Raoul flung open the door, and stepped outside in high hopes.

"Hey look it's the Vicomte who can't have sex with the slut maid." A bystander said, pointing at Raoul.

"What?" Raoul looked around confused.

"Bella came out here, and told us all the sordid details." The bystander told Raoul, winking at him.

"What? That was just thirty minutes ago, what kind of crappy city-I mean I don't know what you're talking about." Raoul tried to suavely turn the conversation around. The bystander started laughing at him, and Raoul quickly darted off. He ran in no particular direction, and people stopped and stared at him.

"How can this news travel so fast?" He asked himself, and slammed into

Erik. "Oh it's you." Raoul said, trying to look cool, and only managed to fall over onto a rosebush. Erik rolled his eyes.

"Why, why, why God do you put me through this every time I leave the house?" He looked down at Raoul, who was twisting around in the rosebush.

"There's a twig in my eye." He screamed. Erik then noticed Raoul's leather pants, which sculpted Raoul's butt perfectly. He shook his head with amusement and distaste.

"Look at you, in your tight leather pants, you're nothing but a fop!" Raoul gasped.

"How does he know?" Raoul thought wildly. "I mean, I'm not a fop! I'm not a fop! I aint no fop." Raoul burst into tears, and collapsed onto the pavement. "Hey Raoul," a voice in Raoul's head told him. "If you want to convince people, including yourself that you are not a fop, stop acting like one!"

"Right." Raoul said standing up. "Would a fop do this?" He asked Erik, moving towards him. Erik leaned back nervously, and Raoul threw his arms around Erik, and kissed him.

"Mmph." Erik's eyes widened in shock, and for a moment he stood still, with his lips pressed against Raoul's lips. Regaining composure of himself, Erik quickly shoved Raoul off of him. "What the hell are you doing?" He hissed, wiping his mouth angrily. "Don't you know the meaning of the word fop?" Raoul stared at him, looking a bit hurt and embarrassed.

"I'm not a fop." He mumbled softly, and quickly ran away, into a dark alley. "Where am I?" He asked himself, a bit scared. "What kind of day am I having?" Grumbling, Raoul searched his pockets for some sort of alcoholic beverage. "I need to drink all this misery away."

"Psst." Raoul looked around wildly, and saw a figure half hidden in the shadows. "Hey Vicompte, over here." Raoul warily walked over to the figure.

"What?" He asked, eyeing the man's greasy hair. Automatically, Raoul's hand shot to his own perfectly manicured hair.

"I heard about your, ahem inability to you know." The man nodded his head vigorously. Raoul let out a sexually frustrated sigh.

"Who hasn't heard that, curse Paris to hell." Raoul shook his fist angrily at no one in particular.

"Anywho, I decided to help my fellow friend in need." The greasy man produced a small bottle.

"Rum?" Raoul started towards the man excitedly.

"No." The man replied, rolling his eyes. "Drink this, and you'll be able to have sex with anything you want." He handed Raoul the bottle. Raoul grabbed it, and stared suspiciously at the man.

"How do I know this isn't poison?" Raoul squinted his beady eyes at the greasy man.

"Do I look like you can't trust me?" The greasy man asked. Raoul looked at the man's matted down greasy hair, and his bloodshot green eyes.

"You're right." Raoul said, apparently convinced. He grabbed the bottle, and downed the clear fluid in one motion. "Yuck." Raoul shook his head, and tried to ignore the foul taste the drink left in his mouth. "Self-respect here I come." Raoul threw the bottle against the brick wall in what he thought was a sexy motion, and he darted off towards the de Chagny mansion.

"Ok." The man said after a slight pause. "He probably shouldn't have drunk that whole bottle."

* * *

Back at Raoul's house, Bella was absentmindedly dusting the walls. "I feel that alerting everyone about Raoul's failure has been my good deed for the day." Just then, Raoul burst into the room all flushed. "Your timing is impeccable." She said lazily. Raoul smirked at her, and grabbed her by the waist.

"All right Raoul, let's not put you through this embarrassment again." She started to tell Raoul, but stopped talking when Raoul started kissing her neck.

"Well what the hell." Bella pushed Raoul off of her, and shoved everything off of the kitchen table. She hopped onto the table, and pulled Raoul to her.

"Now who's the fop?" Raoul grunted, ripping off his shirt. "I'm an animal!" He screamed, getting a bit off topic Bella thought.

"Are you done?" She asked him.

"What?" Raoul tore his eyes away from the length size mirror, and looked back at Bella. "Let's get this party started." He roared, and rolled off of the table, taking Bella with him.

* * *

Four hours later, Bella was asleep and Raoul was doing pushups to congratulate himself on a deed well done. Bella opened her eyes, and saw Raoul acting like a moron.

"Do you want to do it again or something?" Bella yawned, and started to stand up.

"What are you talking about?" Raoul asked, collapsing on the floor,

exhausted by his five pushups.

"How should I phrase this in a classy way?" Bella thought hard. "Raoul de Chagny you have a massive erection."

"Huh?" Raoul looked down, and gasped loudly. He grabbed a robe that was lying on a chair, and vainly tried to cover it up. "It must be that cursed drink. The man didn't say anything about the effects lasting four hours." Raoul mused to himself.

"What?" Bella asked, starting to search for her dress.

"Nothing." Raoul said quickly. "Down!" He screamed at his crotch. Bella rolled her eyes, and left Raoul to himself. "I think I better go to the doctor." Raoul announced to the empty room, and dashed out the door, wearing only his leather pants. Raoul paused once he was outside. "Now which way to the doctor's?" He looked around, hoping to see some signs pointing him in the right direction. "I'll go this way." He shouted pointing straight ahead, and starting running in that direction.

He started slamming into people left and right, and only stopped running when he bumped into Christine.

"Hey, oh it's you." Christine stared at Raoul with distaste.

"Well at least it's not Erik." Raoul thought to himself.

"Is that a roll of quarters in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?" Christine smirked at the scarlet Raoul.

"Well." Raoul said, pulling a roll of quarters out of his pocket. "You never know when you might need some." He said, looking at his quarters with some affection.

"And yet it still looks like you are happy to see me." Christine turned back around, and resumed buying her stack of food.

"Bah." Raoul raised his hand threateningly at Christine, and continued running. Ten minutes later, Raoul managed to find the doctor's building. He burst through the doors.

"I need medical assistance!" He screamed at the top of his lungs.

"That's not all that you need." A blond haired nurse informed him.

"Ok." A doctor came rushing over to Raoul. "Let's get you into a room, before you poke someone's eye out." He put his arm around Raoul, and started to lead him towards a room, when someone screamed out,

"Ow, my eye!" Raoul looked around fearfully, and noticed the blond haired nurse clutching her eye in pain.

"Are you ok Mary?" The doctor asked the nurse, giving Raoul a suspicious look.

"No, I just poked my eye with a quill." The nurse, still clutching her eye, rushed out of the room.

"You're lucky." The doctor told Raoul, shaking him wildly.

"Huh?" Raoul asked, all disoriented.

"Just be quiet." The doctor shoved Raoul into a room, and slammed the door shut, leaving Raoul alone in a strange room. Raoul closed his eyes, and prayed that he would survive this embarrassing ordeal.


	11. Chapter 11

Erik was measuring out pieces of velvet for his new cape, when Christine burst into their bedroom all flushed.

"I just saw the funniest thing." She announced to Erik, plopping in the chair next to him.

"Did you meet Raoul with a boner?" Erik asked lazily, holding up the velvet to his critical eyes.

"Yes." Christine looked at Erik in astonishment. "How did you know that?"

"Just a lucky guess." Erik put the velvet down, and started searching for his scissors. "Wait." Erik looked at Christine questionably. "You saw Raoul with a boner?"

"Yea." Christine started giggling. "It was really funny. Then he quickly darted off, I think to the hospital or something."

"Hmm, maybe I should try and find him, and see that he is all right."

Erik mused to himself softly.

"Why would you want to do that?" Christine asked, wrapping her arms around Erik's stomach, and began kissing his neck.

"Now she's in the mood." Erik rolled his eyes, and gently removed Christine's arms off of his stomach. "It's the humane thing to do. Raoul may get into trouble with a boner, I should go find him."

"You never make any sense." Christine started unbuttoning Erik's shirt.

"Mm touché." Erik scooped Christine up in his arms. "What about Raoul?" A voice asked in Erik's head. "Ah Raoul." Erik thought to himself. "Raoul will be fine. It's not like he needs any medical help."

* * *

"And we'll also be using this." The doctor told Raoul, holding up a huge clamp.

"Ok, I don't mind a boner, just let me leave." Raoul told the doctor anxiously, edging his way to the door.

"You're going nowhere fop." The doctor grabbed Raoul by the collar, and thrust him back on a cheap quality cot.

"Fop?" Raoul asked, offended. "Why does everyone insist on calling me a fop?" Raoul wiped at his eyes.

"I don't know, you just give off a foppish, alcoholic, wife-beating vibe." The doctor tried explaining. "Now sit back and try to relax, because this is going to hurt like hell." The doctor raised up the clamp, and when Raoul saw it opened to its fullest extent, he fainted dead away

* * *

Christine and Erik had their arms wrapped around each other, when

Christine suddenly pulled back, gasping in pain.

"What's wrong?" Erik asked, looking at Christine in concern.

"Nothing, I'm fine." Christine gritted her teeth in pain, and clutched her stomach. "It's just the baby kicking."

"My child is quite the troublemaker." Erik smirked to himself, putting his head on Christine's stomach. "I think our child will have devilishly good looks." He paused for a moment. "And of course it will be a good singer." There was another pause. "And he or she will not be a fop." Christine took a deep breath, and suddenly stood up, making Erik's head ricochet off of a pillow.

"I just thought up a great mix of food that would be absolutely delicious." She said excitedly. "Tomatoes and biscuits combined into one tasty pastry." And she ran off, no doubt on her way to make her 'delicious' pastry. Erik settled back down in his magnificent swan bed, when a voice in the back of his head annoyingly started talking again.

"Raoul's in trouble, he needs you." It said.

"Raoul is fine." Erik told himself stubbornly. "And even if he wasn't why would I care?"

"Because," The voice informed him, "as much as you say you hate Raoul, you don't want anything harmful to come to him. Go and find him!" The voice insisted.

"Fine!" Erik stood up, clutching his head in frustration. "I'll try to go and find Raoul, it's not like Christine will need me here." Erik bounded down the stairs, and left Christine stuffing her face with a tomato wrapped around a pastry.

* * *

Raoul woke up from his faint groggy and in immense pain.

"Oh man." He shook his head, and tried to focus on his surroundings. He looked down, and noted with excitement that his erection was finally gone. But on a down note, every inch of his lower body felt like it was on fire. "Mmph." Raoul tried in vain to get out of bed, but only fell back feebly on the thin coverlet. He was about to scream for the doctor, when Erik burst into the room, red in the face, and looking pissed off at something.

"God, I never knew it would be so hard to find a fucking Vicomte."

"Are you here to make fun of me too?" Raoul asked with dismay.

"Uhh, yes." Erik seized on the opportunity, not wanting Raoul to know

that he might have been worried about him. "I am so here to make fun of your humiliations, hang your head in shame." Raoul opened his mouth to talk, when the doctor burst into the room.

"Monsieur, you're not allowed in here." He said angrily to Erik. "The

Vicomte needs his, uh rest." He turned Erik, and began gently shoving towards the door. "You can come here in two hours time." Erik surprisingly let himself be escorted out of Raoul's room.

Raoul watched Erik leave with some disappointment.

"He sure does look hot in black." He observed Erik's backside with excitement. Raoul raised the covers up to his chin, and finally came to terms with the facts. "There is no use denying it anymore." Raoul told himself sadly. "I am a fop, and now my biggest priority is to make Erik mine."

* * *

Erik was pacing back and forth in the waiting room.

"Why am I still here?" Erik asked himself, plopping onto a metal chair. "Ergh, I hate Raoul." He let out an angry sigh, and put his head in his hands. Erik looked up, when he heard a woman burst into sobs.

"Gerald, my own son, dead!" She exclaimed dramatically, collapsing into the arms of the woman next to her.

"Madame?" A man dressed in black, looking nervous addressed the sobbing woman.

"What is it Jeeves?" The woman gave the man a look, which Erik recognized as the same look that his mother always gave him.

"I know it's really not the time but," the man stopped talking, and another man behind him prodded him vigorously. "Um, your racing horse that you bet on earlier today has lost."

"Lost?" The woman swelled up in indignation, apparently forgetting her misery. "Impossible, I never lose anything."

"Not true." Erik butted into the conversation. All heads turned to him. "Well it seems to me that you just lost your son." At those words, the woman burst into a new batch of tears, and fell back into the arms of the other woman, who looked like she was fighting back laughter.

"All right." The doctor rushed towards Erik. "Why don't you keep out of trouble, and go visit the Vicomte."

"Well ok." Erik shrugged his shoulders as the doctor shoved him back in Raoul's room.

"Oh you're back." Raoul straightened up in his bed, and started to blush.

"Yes." Erik said awkwardly, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Ooh Chocolate." Erik produced a stick of chocolate out of his pocket, and eagerly shoved it in his mouth. With a chunk of chocolate in his mouth Erik couldn't talk, so he didn't have to think up anything to say to Raoul.

"Mmm chocolate." Raoul's eyes glazed over at the thought of chocolate. "La la la." In his highly morphined state, Raoul started fantasizing about chocolate and Erik.

"Uh Raoul? Raoul?" Erik broke into Raoul's fantasies, looking at him troubled.

"Oh I am sorry, you were eating chocolate?" Raoul smiled sheepishly at Erik.

"That was ten minutes ago!" Erik stared at Raoul momentarily, before slowly backing to the door. "Well I better be going." He said, slamming the door behind him.

"Ahh Erik." Raoul sighed contentedly. He reached into his pocket, and pulled out a tiny notebook. 'Vicomte's secrets' was emblazoned on the cover. "All right, let's do what I do best, write poetry about my loved ones." He flipped through the pages with poems about scarves, Christine, and dogs. When he finally got to a blank page, he pulled out a quill, and started to write furiously.

"Erik." He wrote on the center of the page. "Erik, when I think about you I don't feel low." Raoul paused. "Yes, that is a good start. Ok, now what rhymes with low?" He looked out at the bright summer's day. "Snow!" He thought hard, and started writing again. "I want to do you in the snow." Raoul lay down the quill, and gave himself a self-satisfied smirk. "I am a fucking god when it comes to poetry." He screamed to himself, then rolled over and fell asleep.

* * *

Erik paused outside of Raoul's door when he heard Raoul scream to himself.

"Ah Raoul Raoul Raoul." He said to himself, shaking his head. "You are quite the guy." He paused. "Is that a bad thing or a good thing?" He asked himself. "A good thing, no bad, yes bad! No good!" Erik shook his head in frustration, and started to walk back to his house.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: Everyone may be shocked to hear this, but I do not own the lyrics to the song "I will Survive". I'm not sure who does. Perhaps Gloria Gaynor does, since she sings the song.

An uneventful month passed for Erik with the slight exception that one morning Erik opened the door to find a bouquet of roses lying on the doorstep. Carefully, Erik picked them up, and looked at the card that was attached to them. "To the greatest bloke in the world." Erik read out loud. "Love from your secret admirer, The Vicomte de Chagny." Erik looked up at Raoul's house, where Raoul was peering out the window at Erik. Once Raoul noticed that Erik was staring at him, His head quickly shot back down underneath the window. Erik shook his head, and carried the roses back into the house.

"Sorry Raoul." Erik said, preparing to throw the bouquet out.

"Oh Erik." Erik turned around to see Christine standing behind him smiling widely. "You got me roses, oh you are so sweet." She said, stretching her arms towards the roses.

"Well I might as well not make her pissed." Erik thought, removing the card from the roses, and handing them to Christine. A single tear ran down Christine's cheek. "Oh great, now I made her cry." Erik thought in alarm.

"These roses are so delicate and beautiful, just like life itself."

Christine cried, and darted off into another room. Erik stared at her retreating figure. Christine sure went through a lot of emotions these days, Erik thought to himself as he pocketed Raoul's card.

* * *

"Christine could you please move?" Erik asked that night, noticing that Christine was sitting in his reading chair. "I want to see just how much ham is actually in this book." He looked at Hamlet affectionately.

"Mm no." Christine said without looking up from her bacon soufflé. "I don't want to get up, and I'm not going to get up. And besides I'm too fat to get up."

"Ergh." Erik threw down Hamlet in frustration. "There is no winning with that woman." He fumed to himself, leaving the room. "And if I have to hear about how fat she is one more time." He balled his fists in anger. Erik sighed as he stepped out into the fresh night air. "I need advice on how to handle pregnant woman." Erik thought to himself. "Advice from someone important."

"Raoul?" A voice asked at the back of his head.

"Good god no." Erik exclaimed. "I mean Nadir."

"Oh Nadir is not important." The voice informed him. "He's not even in the musical."

"Nevertheless, I am going to go see him." Erik announced to an old man walking a dog.

"Are you calling me fat?" The man asked offended before hobbling away.

* * *

Seven minutes later Erik arrived at Nadir's house, and started pounding on the door.

"Open up Nadir, I know you're in there!" He hollered until Nadir finally opened up his door.

"Finally." Erik put his hands on his knees, and tried to regain his breath.

"Oh hello Erik." Nadir didn't seem very pleased to see Erik. "You may want to come back later."

"Not now Nadir." Erik replied, shoving Nadir aside, and striding into his house. Erik stopped short when he noticed who was also inside Nadir's house. "Why the fuck is Raoul here?" He hissed at Nadir.

"He wanted to talk to me." Nadir said calmly, not flinching under Erik's furious gaze.

"Hey Nadir, this thing is really pretty." Raoul said carrying something that looked suspiciously like a dirty glass unicorn. "Erik!" Raoul gasped as he saw Erik, and dropped the unicorn in surprise, causing it to smash against the floor. Erik rolled his eyes, and prepared to leave, when Nadir shoved him towards Raoul.

"Just talk to him." Nadir whispered in Erik's ear. "All right I'll leave you two alone." Nadir winked at a furious Erik, and walked out of the room.

"Hey." Raoul said, nonchalantly leaning against the wall.

"Whatever." Erik muttered to himself.

"Oh Erik." Raoul walked towards Erik with stars in his eyes. "It's no use hiding your love any longer."

"I don't hide my love for Christine." Erik started to say, but was cut of by Raoul wrapping his arm around his shoulder and pulling Erik towards him.

"You know you don't love Christine," Raoul rolled his eyes. "She's so annoying, you just love her body." Erik found himself nodding along, but quickly stopped, and shoved Raoul away from him. Always thinking fast, Raoul grabbed Erik's hands and held them to his face. "Oh Erik if we're in love, we don't need to hide it from this homophobic world, we need to scream it out to everyone!"

Erik closed his eyes, and momentarily let his heart swell with affection, before getting a grip on himself and tearing his hands from Raoul's grasp. All his life he was deprived of love, then he met Christine, and when she finally returned his love, even she had never looked at him with the same ardor that Raoul was now looking at him with. This wasn't the way things were supposed to be like. The only feelings that the Phantom and the fop were supposed to have towards each other were hatred that's the way it always was and always will be.

"You don't love me." Erik finally hissed at a crestfallen Raoul. "And

I sure as hell don't give a shit about you! I hate you!" Erik raised his hand, and Raoul cringed as if Erik was about to hit him. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" He repeatedly screamed at Raoul. Then without another word, he swept past a shocked and somewhat amused Nadir, and slammed the front door behind him.

Nadir walked over to the stricken Raoul, who had sunk onto the couch, and looked as if he was fighting back tears.

"Oh it's ok Raoul." Nadir said in a soothing voice. "Erik is a very complicated man, you need to get used to his passionate bursts of rage. Here, have some tea." Nadir tried to hand Raoul a cup of tea, but Raoul shoved it aside.

"I'd rather have a beer." He muttered, and got up in search, no doubt to find the nearest pub.

* * *

Ten minutes later, Raoul found a pub, and started downing down shots of brandy.

"Why hello." A busty redhead rubbed suggestively against Raoul.

"Bah." Raoul impatiently brushed her aside, and handed his empty glass to the bartender.

"Trouble with Christine?" He asked, well aware that Christine was no longer living with Raoul.

"Christine fucking sucks." Raoul slurred, grabbing the glass from the bartender. "Everyone fucking sucks." He mumbled. "You don't need Erik." A voice in his head informed him. Raoul took a gulp of brandy, and finally reached the stage of complete plasteredness. So he did what he always did when he got plastered; he sang. (If Christine only knew how drunk he actually was when singing "All I ask of You.")

"Screw you Erik." Was his last semi-sane thought before standing on his chair and belting out:

"At first I was afraid

I was petrified

Kept thinking I could never live

without you by my side

But then I spent so many nights

thinking how you did me wrong

And I grew strong,

And I learned how to get along!"

* * *

Erik was walking by the pub when he heard melancholy caterwauling from inside the bar.

"Good God." He said. "That person is singing like they have their balls in a vice." He walked up to the window, and groaned when he saw Raoul was singing on top of a barstool. "What is wrong with that man?" He asked himself.

"I will survive!" Raoul was singing back in the bar. In mid-thrust, he noticed Erik staring at him with disgust. "I'll show him who hates who." He thought to himself, then grabbed the redhead by the waist, twirled her around, and kissed her passionately. Erik gritted his teeth, and wondered whether he should kill the redhead or Raoul or both.

"That's it!" He yelled charging into the bar, whipping out his punjab lasso. Everyone stopped talking, and stared at him. Then suddenly, and a bit randomly, a gunman burst into the bar screaming,

"All right everyone I'm robbing a bar, yeah that's right." Noticing

Erik holding his punjab lasso, the gunman grabbed the person closest to him, Raoul, and screamed again, "No one move or the fop gets it!"


	13. Chapter 13

A\N Nothing really big happens in this chapter, my apologies, but in the next chapter, something big is bound to happen. Anywho, I was tuning out in World Studies, and I thought it would be kind of funny if Raoul read dirty romance novels, so this chapter basically wrote itself, enjoy!

"Fop?" Raoul squawked indignantly. 

"Oh c'mon." The gunman rolled his eyes impatiently. "Everything about you screams out fop!" Raoul pouted, and seemed more upset that he was called a fop, then the fact that there was a gun pressed to his forehead. Erik casually leaned against the counter, and waited to see how things would turn out. Then the annoying voice in his head began talking again.

"You can at least save him." It told him. Erik rolled his eyes. "Fine." He let out a hiss, and without moving, kicked the gunman in the ass. 

"Noo!" The gunman let out a howl and flew forward, slamming into the wall. He slumped to the ground unconscious, and Raoul clapped his hands in glee.

"Oh Erik you saved me! I knew you didn't hate me." Erik ignored him, and stalked out of the bar. Raoul quickly followed him. They walked in silence, Raoul too happy to speak, and Erik was in one of his moods. When they reached Raoul's house, Raoul walked up to his door, and Erik continued walking "Fuck." Raoul banged against his door in frustration. Erik closed his eyes, and grudgingly turned around.

"What?" He asked.

"I locked myself out, and the key is up too high, so I can't reach it." Raoul explained, trying to reach the top of the doorframe.

"How did you get the key up there in the first place?" Erik asked, walking up to Raoul.

"Well I had Bella put it up there, she's tall enough to pass for a Amazon woman." Erik impatiently pushed Raoul aside, and reached a hand up to the doorframe, but came a couple of inches short.

"Here, get on." Erik said, kneeling slightly, indicating for Raoul to get on his burly shoulders.

"What?" Raoul asked, blushing furiously.

"What are you waiting for?" Erik asked angrily. "Get your ass on my shoulders and your crotch in my neck." Raoul was overcome with excitement. He put his hands on Erik's shoulders, and jumped on so eagerly, that he caused Erik to stumble forward, slamming his head against the door. Raoul fell forward, and grabbed the doorframe.

"I got the key!" He screamed triumphantly, dangling from the doorframe. "Uh, Erik?" He looked down at Erik, who was in a clump on the ground, swearing furiously. "A little help, I'm slipping!" He screamed, dropping from the door onto Erik.

"Ow, you fucking moron!" Erik's muffled voice shouted at Raoul. Raoul slowly got up off of Erik, and helped him up. "Ouch." He muttered, clutching his forehead, which was now bright red.

"Well, at least that side of your face now matches your masked side." Raoul tried to helpfully point out. Erik glared at Raoul, and contemplated whether he should kill Raoul or not, but he merely started to walk off. "Wait!" Raoul grabbed Erik's arm. "Let's get you a wet cloth for your head."

"Uh, no thanks." Erik rolled his eyes, and tried to walk off, but Raoul wouldn't let go of his arm.

"I insist." Raoul gritted in teeth in the effort of hauling Erik into his house. 

"Good God." Erik exclaimed, as Raoul successfully shoved him into the doorway. Raoul slammed the door behind them, and started walking in the direction of the bathroom.

"Don't even think about moving." Raoul told Erik, before disappearing. Erik rolled his eyes, and was about to leave, when something on a table caught his attention.

"The Passion of the Stallion." Erik read out the title of the book that was lying on the table. Erik idly opened up the book, and inside Raoul's name was engraved in gold lettering. Lazily, Erik opened up the book to a random page, which Raoul bookmarked with a black ribbon. Moving the ribbon aside, Erik began to read.

"Chapter four, Rose Petals and Yogurt.  
Charlotte looked around, Jack had finally left her. Husbands were always a drag to have around." Erik made a face, but continued reading, "She left the sitting room, and ran into Will's domain, the barn. Will looked up as she strode up towards him, he grinned and pulled her to him. She moaned, and Will shoved his hands up her-"

"Whoa, dirty book." Erik started laughing, and when Raoul reappeared, he threw the book back on the table, and tried to wipe the smirk off of his face. "You know Raoul, I have a great idea for a new cologne scent."

"Oh yeah, what?" Raoul asked absentmindedly, trying to hand Erik the wet cloth. Erik brushed it aside, and said,

"Well how about Rose petals 'N Yogurt?"

"Yeah that would be-wait a minute." Raoul said, comprehension dawning on his face. He quickly looked down at the table, where the book was lying, still open. "Oh you read my book."

"I sure did, is the Vicomte unhappy in the sexual department, that he needs to read dirty books to please himself?" Erik asked the blushing Raoul. Raoul muttered something that sounded like,  
"You and your insatiable curiosity."

Erik laughed again, and said somewhat warmly, "Goodnight." And he left Raoul standing foolishly holding a wet cloth, and he made his way back home.


	14. Chapter 14

_A\N: Hola my fellow readers! This authors note is solely for Lonely Loony's sake, in case you actually did want an answer to your question "Where do you get your ideas?" Where do I get my ideas...hmm... I either get my ideas from dreams (odd), or sometimes ideas pop into my head (Passion of the Stallion) Or sometimes I use actually experiences that happen to me, and just twist them to fit this story. Or once in awhile I hear people talking about something funny, and it gives me a small idea, and I build on it. I hope that answered your question. And I hope all of you REVIEW!_

Another month passed for Christine and Erik, and Christine was now well into the last trimester of her pregnancy. On one not so special summers day, Erik left Christine resting, and went out for a walk. He was walking by the bank, when he noticed something glinting in the grass.

"Silver!" He exclaimed, rushing over the grass. Bending over, he examined something flat and silver half buried in the grass. "Urgh." He grunted, grasping it, and vainly trying to pick it up. "It appears to be caught." He muttered. "Between these two flowers." He wrapped his fingers around it, and started to pull it with all his might.

"What are you doing?" Erik turned around to face a short stocky balding man in a very sharp suit.

"I'm sorry." Erik turned back around. "All questions must be submitted in writing form." And with one final push, Erik ripped the silver piece out of the ground. He immediately realized it wasn't a silver coin, because water suddenly burst out of the ground, soaking him. "My apologies." Erik pushed past the man, and started running back towards his house. When he reached the front door, he hurriedly opened it, and darted inside.

"Christine!" He shouted, striding forward, not watching where he was going, and slipping in a puddle of water. "What the-?" He gasped, sliding across the floor, into the wall.

"Erik!" Erik turned around to see a pale Christine hurrying towards him.  
"Christine are you-ouch!" Erik yelped in pain as Christine dug her fingernails into his arm.

"Erik." She gasped, gritting her teeth. "I am having the baby."

"Oh no." Erik stared in shock. "You can't, we're really not prepared, we haven't even hired a midwife yet."

"Shut up and go find one." Christine hissed at him venomously.

"Ok, ok." Erik led her over to the couch, and set her carefully down. "Do you want some ice?" He was getting hysterical. "No count to ten, no hold your breath!" Christine slapped him in response, and Erik quickly left the house, slamming into Raoul right as he stepped out.

"What's wrong?" Raoul asked the flustered Erik.

"Christine is having the baby!" Erik shouted in Raoul's face. Raoul couldn't care less about Christine, so he focused all his attention in helping Erik.

"Did you tell her to hold her breath?" Erik slapped him, and Raoul quickly replied in a commanding tone, "Ok, leave it to me." He grabbed a small black girl, and shook her. "You can give birth to Christine's baby." He glared at her.

"I doan know nuthin' 'bout birthin' babies." She squealed, and ran off.

"Well I'm a midwife." Erik turned around to see a motherly sort of woman standing awkwardly before him.

"Perfect." Erik grabbed her, and pushed her inside the house. He turned and stared at Raoul for a moment, before scurrying back into the house. Raoul sighed, and sat on the front steps, and waited.

Erik was sitting in a chair outside of Christine and his bedroom. He could hear her cries of pain, and occasionally she cried out his name.

"I should be in there inside with her." He thought, but the midwife wouldn't let him.

"It's bad luck." She had told him. He groaned and clutched his head.

"What if this baby was deformed?" He asked himself. Would if be condemned to grow up the way he did? And how would Christine react? "I will make sure it will get love no matter what." He told himself fiercely. Up until now, Erik had mostly blocked out memories from his childhood, and now in his mind, he relived a memory when he was six years old, during a thunder storm.

"Mother?" The six-year old Erik tottered into his mother's study.

"What?" She looked up from her work, not bothering to hide her revulsion at Erik's face.

"I'm scared." He whimpered, as a bolt of lightening streaked across the sky. He reached his hands up to his mother. He wanted affection he needed affection. Gently, Erik lay his head against his mother's leg.

"Ew." She kicked out, and Erik fell to the ground. His mother picked up the mask off of her desk, and threw it at him. "Put that on, and get out." She told him icily, rubbing the spot where his head was a few seconds before.

"No mother, why do I have to wear it, I hate it." Erik pouted.

"Why?" His mother asked, getting up and grabbing Erik's head, ignoring his cry of pain. "Why?" She repeated herself, dragging him to a mirror. "Look." She pushed his head to his reflection.

"Ow mother, no." Erik cried, clenching his eyes shut. His mother pried his good eye open.

"Satan left his mark on you." She hissed in his ear. "And it needs to be covered. You are spawn of Satan. Spawn of Satan." Erik clenched his eyes shut, to stop the tears from running down his face.

Suddenly the midwife burst of the room, snapping Erik out of his thoughts.

"Well?" He asked, quickly standing up. The breathless midwife only indicated for Erik to go into the room, before hurrying down the stairs. Erik took a deep breath, and stepped in Christine and his room.

"Christine?" He asked gently. Christine opened her eyes, and stared at him blankly. He curly brown hair was damp and unkempt, and her face was shining with sweat. "Where is it? Where's the baby?" He asked her. Christine pushed up the sleeves of her dress, and feebly pointed to a crib that Erik had made some odd months ago. Erik rose, and walked over to the crib, and looked down at his child.


	15. Chapter 15

_A\N: I just want to say thank you all for reviewing! Keep up the good work... Hopefully everyone who reads this will start reviewing. But anywho I was happy someone got the Gone With the Wind reference...But what a couple of you guys didn't get was the silver coin thing... I didn't think it was that confusing but it was supposed to be Erik thinks he sees a coin in the ground, and when he pulls it up, it's just the top of a sprinkler. Cough Well it was funny at the time... Well I hope you all enjoy this chapter also... Though I like the next chapter a lot better then this one(Oh and P.T.O Lonely Loony good luck with your own Phantom angst, I'm sure it's endlessly, wildly resourceful.)_

Chapter 15

It was a boy. And he was beautiful. Erik scooped up the baby in his arms.

"Christine!" He shouted joyfully, running to her side. "Look, our child, he isn't deformed." Christine smiled faintly, and pulled his mask off.

"I told you, it wouldn't matter either way." Erik gently pushed her feet up, and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Isn't he just the dickens?" He asked gleefully, poking the baby in the stomach, causing it to squeal in delight. "What should we name him?" Christine sat up.

"What about Jacques?" She asked.  
"Hmm, no, it doesn't have enough pizzaz for my child."

"Our child." Christine gently reminded him, and Erik rolled his eyes. Not noticing, Christine continued,

"Well what about Jean?"

"And have him grow up, and steal bread?" Erik asked indignantly.

"It's not as if his last name is Valjean." She muttered, but said louder, "Well what do you think?" Erik thought for a moment.

"I got it, how about Gerard?"

"Gerard?"

"Yes." Erik held the baby out to her. "Doesn't he look like a Gerard? With his wildly handsome Scottish face."

"Scottish?" Christine asked, confused .  
"I mean French." Erik corrected himself.

"Gerard. I like it." Christine smiled, and reached her hands out towards Gerard. Erik reluctantly handed him over, and Gerard started crying once Christine's hands touched him.

"Christine, you're scaring him!" Erik gasped, trying to take Gerard back.

"Oh he's fine." She said, moving Gerard out of Erik's grasp. "Oh look, he fell asleep." She smiled.

"I love our little tyke." Erik smirked at Gerard, and would have ruffled his hair, if Gerard had more then some dark fuzz covering his head.

"I love you." Christine said to him, kissing Erik softly.

"Ditto." Erik replied, moving in to kiss her back, when he stopped. "Raoul." He muttered.

"What?" Christine asked.

"I have to go and tell him." Erik hastily explained, rushing out of the room. "Raoul!" He exclaimed, almost tripping over Raoul, who was still sitting on the steps.  
"Well?" He inquired, standing up.

"It's a boy, and he is a sexy beast!" Erik screamed, sweeping Raoul up into a hug.

"Mmplgh!" Raoul exclaimed into Erik's manly chest.  
"Now that's just wrong." A woman sniffed, staring at them. Erik pulled out of Raoul's grasp, and they stared at each other awkwardly.

"Your mom's wrong." Erik sneered at her, and she jumped when she saw his deformed side of his face. But she quickly regained her composure.

"What did you just say?" She asked pompously.

"I'm sorry, did I say something?" Erik asked, and Raoul giggled like a schoolgirl, causing Erik and the woman to stare at him.

"Awkward." Raoul said, and he backed away, back into his house. The woman glared at Erik, and arrogantly darted off.

"Yea, that's what I thought." Erik smirked, and swept back into his house. When he walked back into Christine and his room, he saw that Christine was asleep with baby Gerard in her arms. He kicked his shoes off, and climbed into bed with them. He wrapped his arms around both of them, and put his head next to Christine's. His life was now complete. Erik paused. Not quite. There was still something missing. Something he couldn't quite put his finger on.

Raoul walked up to his bedroom with a spring in his step.

"I know how to win Erik over, it's time for the secret weapon." He paused for dramatic reasons. He thrust his hand into his closet, and pulled out the infamous full length leather jacket. "Yes." He breathed a breath of sweet noxious air, while shoving it on. "No one can resist the Vicomte clad in leather." He put his two thumbs underneath his collar, and pushed it up to its fullest extent. He did some pouting techniques in the mirror, before strutting down the stairs. "Erik here I come!" He announced, and started to walk out of the house, when Bella stopped him.

"Well you may want to wait before going to this Erik's house." She said lazily, flicking through a book.

"And why is that?" Raoul asked, checking the bounceability of his hair in the mirror.

"Well it is past midnight, you've been getting ready for hours, and now it's too late for any proper visits. You should wait 'til tomorrow."

"Inconceivable." Raoul muttered, but he got a far-reaching look in his eyes. "Yes, I will wait, after all tomorrow we shall meet again." He paused, and placed a fist to his chin.  
"Yes that'll do nicely."


	16. Chapter 16

_A\N: Thank you all for reviewing, you are all like...awesome... though I did manage to get a flame, which I take as a compliment so thank you Anonymous for calling my story disgusting, at least you didn't call it trite. And the correct term is inappropriate not unappropriate, but thanks for the review anywho. But did you all know that fop is petit-maitre in french? Haha I thought it was funny...awkward...well enjoy!_

Chapter 16

Right at 7 A.M., Raoul got out of bed, still dressed in his leather.

"I'm ready, you ready?" He asked his reflection, and nodded curtly, then walked out of the door. "Erik!" He screamed, as he saw Erik start to leave his house. Erik looked up alarmed, and hurriedly tried to back into his house, but Raoul caught up to him. "Hey." He said in what he imagined was a sexy drawling voice.

"Hi." Erik said, frantically trying to open up the front door, but realizing it was locked. "Aargh." He mumbled, and Raoul aside. Raoul knew he loved Erik, but he wasn't going to let him push him around.

"No one pushes a Vicomte!" He said suavely. Erik stopped, and turned around.  
"Listen, why don't you take-"

Madame Giry walked by and saw Erik and Raoul fighting, and ran up to break it up. Five minutes later, she was trying to get them to make up.

"Now let's just talk things over like the mature adults that we are." She was saying. "Now Erik, what did you say to Raoul?" Before Erik could open his mouth, Raoul burst out,  
"I'll tell you what he said, he told me to take my Vicomte title, and forcibly insert it up my anus!" Erik burst into laughter, and Madame Giry silenced him with a look.  
"What am I doing here?" He suddenly asked. "I'm leaving." He moodily walked off, and Raoul put his head in his hands.

"Meg." Madame Giry gestured to her daughter, and Meg reluctantly walked forward.

"Yes?" She asked, glaring at Raoul.  
"I want you to spend the day with the Vicomte"  
"What? No, I refuse." Meg replied stubbornly.

"Do it." Madame Giry shoved her with such force, that she landed in Raoul's lap. Madame Giry then walked away happily, hoping that maybe one day, her daughter could become a Vicomtess.

"Erik!" Christine ran up to Erik once he entered the house, holding a squealing Gerard. "You're finally here, now don't worry, everything's set."

"Huh?" Erik asked bewildered, taking Gerard out of Christine's arms. "Uh, why are you in a tennis outfit?" Christine giggled, and twirled around, causing he skirt to fly out.  
"Well I need to get my figure back somehow." She smiled at him.  
"By playing tennis?" Erik asked.

"Yes." Christine said, picking up a racket, and tossing another one to Erik. "Now go get changed into something proper." Erik looked down at his black clothing.  
"I'm fine." He said.

"Go." She turned him around, and shoved him upstairs, causing him to nearly drop Gerard. Once Erik grudgingly climbed the stairs, someone knocked on the door, and Christine hurried over to answer it. "Ah, you must be the wet nurse!" Christine exclaimed, letting a tall formidable woman step into the house.

"Yes." The woman said, glancing around the room with a critical eye. "Now how long must I watch over your child, while your husband and you are gone?"

"Umm." Christine scratched her nose nervously.

"Ohh." The woman grabbed Christine's hand, which had no ring on it. "You're not married."

"Hmm, no." Christine giggled anxiously, and was quite relieved when Erik walked back down the stairs dressed in white.

"And your lover I presume." The woman frowned up at him. "Wearing a mask, how original. And he looks almost twice your age."

"Who the fuck is this?" Erik asked Christine.

"I'll be looking over your son, while you're um, playing tennis." She stared at their tennis rackets in distaste. "I suppose he's upstairs?" Erik was strongly reminded of his mother, and when she turned around, he raised his racket above the woman's head, and started to bring it down, but Christine shouted,  
"Erik no!"

"But Christine-" Erik gestured to the woman, who hadn't turned around.

"C'mon." She grabbed his arm, and pulled him out of the door. Five minutes later, Christine and Erik arrived at the tennis courts, when Christine let out a squeal. "Meg!" She shouted, and ran across the courts, with Erik slowly following.

"Why is Meg playing tennis with Raoul?" He asked himself. "And what is he wearing?" Raoul was standing awkwardly, wearing a tight white shirt, with a pink sweater casually thrown over his shoulders. His hiked up shorts didn't leave much to the imagination Erik noted, but at least his knee high socks covered his pale drumstick legs.  
"Meg, why are you playing tennis with Raoul?" Christine whispered in Meg's ear. Meg shrugged.

"Mother forced me to spend the day with him." She whispered back. "And this is what he wanted to do." Then raising her voice, she shouted, "let's play doubles, I call Christine as my partner!" Raoul looked happily at Erik who groaned.

"Fine." He muttered, reluctantly taking some tennis balls that Meg passed to him. "Your serve." He told Raoul, and chucked the balls at his face. Raoul fumbled, but managed to catch them. He served a decent serve, and the ball bounced back and forth for awhile, when Christine sent a smacker down the middle line. "I got it!" Erik screamed rushing towards the ball. Raoul did the same thing, and they slammed into each other, and fell backwards. The ball bounced past them, and Christine high-fived Meg, While Erik bitched out Raoul. "I told you I had it!"

"Geez I'm sorry." Raoul replied, getting up. "Bizitch."

"What was that?" Erik asked sharply.

"Um, nothing." Raoul said, and served again. Meg sent it back, and Raoul swung wildly, and missed.  
"Fuck Raoul, that was all you!" Erik shouted, slamming his racket on the ground.  
"Stop yelling, I'm doing my best!" Raoul yelled back, growing crimson in the face.  
"That's it, it's my serve." Erik said, striding forward.

"You can't do that!" Christine shouted across the courts, but nonetheless, Erik grabbed the balls out of Raoul's grasp, and shoved him aside to take his place.  
"No more mister nice guy, no siree." He mumbled, and slammed the ball over the net.

"Ahh!" Christine yelped, darting out of harms way, and glared at Erik, who only screamed,  
"15-30! And we're back in the game!" The game grew increasingly dirty, and Christine beamed the ball off of Raoul's nose.

"Fuck!" He shouted, dropping his racket, and collapsing onto his knees.

"It bounced off Raoul, it's still good!" Erik screamed, rushing forward, and he sent the ball back over, nearly decapitating Meg.

"My nose, it's bleeding." Raoul shouted, trying to mop up the flow of blood as best as he could. "Ah thanks." He said, as he grabbed Erik's sleeve, and started wiping his nose with it.

"What the fuck?" Erik hissed, violently pulling out of Raoul's grasp.  
"C'mon fellas, let's go." Christine cried impatiently, and the game continued. Thirty minutes later, it was Erik's serve, and the game was nearing a finish.  
"This is it." He muttered to himself. "The score is add-in, and this point will determine whether we win. Now, I bounce the ball to make sure it's bouncy enough." Erik eagerly bounced the ball.

"Will you just serve already?" Christine shouted. Erik ignored her.  
"Ignoring the jeers and catcalls from my so-called opponents, I twist my racket to make sure it can handle my speed." Erik twisted his racked every which way, and Raoul shouted,  
"Sorry ladies, but we're going to have to win this one!" Erik hunched over, and briefly looked over at Raoul, who was annoyingly tugging on his hair.

"Maybe if my partner would stop fiddling with his hair!" He said loudly, staring at Raoul accusingly. Raoul immediately stopped, and Erik threw the ball in the air, and smashed it down over the net. Christine barely managed to send it back, and Erik casually flicked it back. Using her backhand, Meg returned it towards Raoul, who sent it spinning way up into the sky, and they all held their breath. The ball spiraled down over the net, and bounced over Meg and Christine's heads. There was a slight pause, then Raoul started screaming and dancing.

"We won! We won!" He rushed over to Erik, who picked him up, and started laughing. Raoul wrapped his legs around Erik's waist, and pumped his fist in the air. Erik turned to see Meg and Christine staring at him with their mouths slightly ajar. Erik instantly dropped Raoul, who landed on the ground with a crash. Erik smiled sheepishly, and tried to act unconcerned, while Raoul yelled on the ground. "Ow my loins!" He screeched, clutching at his shoulders. Erik was in the middle of bending down to see whether Raoul was ok or not, but quickly stood back up.

"Let's go Christine." He said, leading the somewhat befuddled Christine back towards their house.


	17. Chapter 17

_AN: I wasn't planning on updating, but I'm sorta bored so hey hope you all enjoy and keep up the good work with reviewing. But Erik-Meister, I think Erik would play tennis and wear white if Christine wanted him too, since he's in "love" with her. And you're right, he would never pick up Raoul, but he's in extreme denial and doesn't realize that he likes him, so it'shis __subconscious coming out. But I appreciate your review and comments! _

Chapter 17

The next morning, Erik stepped for his daily invigorating walk, and smiled happily.  
"Not a fop in sight." He muttered to himself, and started to walk, when he stumbled over a can. Erik managed to stay upright, and stared at the can in disgust. "Who leaves their shit around?" He asked no one in particular. Nudging the can aside with his toe, Erik bent down to see exactly what the hell he tripped over. "Hair gel? What the-?" He asked himself. "Ahh, Raoul's precious Vicomte's hairgel. How did it travel all the way out here?"

"Maybe," Erik was struck by an idea. "Maybe Raoul has started a bootleg business selling hair gel to dirty hooligans." Erik looked around with shifty suspicious eyes. "Yes, and this was out on it's way to the black market. Well that's just sick." He narrowed his eyes in the direction toward Raoul's house. "I think I should go over there to give Raoul a piece of my mind." Erik paused. "Or at least return his dirty little secret."

"Yea sure." His brain told him cheerfully. "You keep making these lame excuses in order to see Raoul." Erik chose not to answer himself, and only picked up the can of hair gel, and walked over to Raoul's house. Before he could swing open the door though, it opened up, and there was screaming, and Erik accidentally squirted the gel in his eyes in his haste to cover his ears. "Gaahh!" Erik clamped his hands at his eyes. "I'm not that ugly." He said in the direction of the screaming. There was another high pitched scream, and a woman's voice shouted,

"Joe-Jack Jimberley, you give me my unmentionables back!" And Erik faintly felt someone run by him, and he fell over onto a pile of ferns.

"Aah! For the love of God, someone save me!" Erik screamed, and something soft landed on his head. "Ahh thanks." Erik smiled, and wiped the gel out of his eyes, using the cloth-like thing. The screams then grew louder, and Erik opened his eyes to see Bella the maid pointing and shrieking at him.  
"You-you ruined my pantalets!"

"Huh?" Erik looked down at shock at the undergarments on his lap. "Oh gross." Erik threw Bella back her underwear, or "pantalets" if you will. In a rush, Erik ran into Raoul's house, and slammed the door shut behind him. He shoved the can in his back pocket, and started looking around for Raoul.

Raoul was having a nightmare up in his bed. "Faster Roudolpho!" He whimpered to his horse, and dug his heel into it's stomach in order to make it trot faster. "Noo!" He screamed as a chandelier hurtled down from the sky, and came to a crashing halt in front of 'ol Roudolpho, causing him to rear up, and toss Raoul through the air. "Noo!" He screeched again wildly, kicking out frantically.  
"Ahhowww!" Raoul sat up straight in his bed, in time to see Erik fall to his knees, clutching at his dick.

"Erik!" Raoul gasped, rushing over to him. "What are you doing here"  
"I was returning your fucking hair gel, when you decided to go and fucking kick me!" Erik pulled out the can, and threw it at Raoul, who just ducked in the nick of time, and it bounced off of the wall.

"Umm..." Raoul was at a loss. Erik was now ready to leave, and judging by Raoul's expression, he was going to try and start another asinine conversation.  
"Time to be sauve." He told himself, and let Raoul down gently. "Hey look the Phantom!" He yelled, pointing behind Raoul.

"Where?" Raoul exclaimed excitedly, turning around to look. A couple of seconds later, he turned back around to see Erik dart out of his room, and down the stairs. "Oh Erik, you are the sly one." He remarked to himself. "Now, back to looking for the Phantom." And Raoul continued staring at his wall.

"Ah, home sweet home." Erik smiled to himself, as he opened the front door, and started to stroll in, when Christine screamed,  
"Don't you dare come in here, I just washed these floors!" Erik quickly backed out, and slammed the door shut.

"Aw, you big softie, not standing up to Christine." Erik turned around, and saw Raoul smirking at him.  
"Are you following me now?" He asked.  
"No, I just came down here to tell you that I figured it out"  
"Figured what out?"

"It." Raoul patiently explained. "Our relationship. I realized that all your shouting and insults are just your way of masking-" Raoul interrupted himself. "Get it, masking?" He giggled, but quickly continued. "Ahem, your insults are just your way to cover up the fact that you care for me and fear rejection." "What?" Erik exploded.

"Yes." Raoul was enjoying himself. "You love me, you love me." He chanted, ignoring Erik, who was growing red, and was clenching and unclenching his fists. "Hey." Raoul said. "Your eye twitches like that when your happy ri-?" Erik interrupted him, by punching him in the face.

"Ooh." Raoul staggered back a few steps, and look up and Erik, then burst into laughter. "Denial much, eh?" Erik took another step forward, and decked him again. Raoul clutched at his bleeding nose. "If you think that punching me makes you think that you hate me keep it up, but I know you love me." Erik gritted his teeth, and raised his fist again.

"Shh." Christine coaxed baby Gerard, who was bawling his eyes out. "Let's have a looksy out the window." She picked him up, and carried him over to the window. "Oh look." She said calmly. "Daddy appears to be beating the shit out of Raoul." She paused. "Probably over me." She giggled, and Gerard stopped crying. "Oh dear, and now they both fell into the fountain."

"Ahh." Raoul lost his balance, and fell backwards. At the last moment, he grabbed onto Erik's arms for support, and took him down with him. And with a huge splash, both of them toppled into the huge city fountain. "If-" Raoul started to say, but with a growl, Erik put his hands on Raoul's neck, and dunked his head under the water. Quite a large number of people had now gathered to watch this spectacle. Raoul's hands feebly fumbled over Erik's shoulders, and Erik looked up to see a shocked number of people gaping at him. Erik quickly released Raoul, who came up sputtering and gasping for air.

"If," Raoul started again, panting heavily. "If you are not in love with me, then why don't you stop touching me, and walk away, and never talk to me again. And why did you take the trouble to bake my favorite pie?"

"I've never baked in my life, let alone your favorite pie"  
"I mean why did you take the trouble to return my hair gel?" Erik stared at Raoul, at a loss of what to say for once.

"And why do you live with a woman who constantly bitches at you, and always has you wear this stupid thing." Raoul tore Erik's mask off, and leaned over to kiss him. Erik's breath caught in his throat, and he tried taking a step back, but slipped, and fell over with a splash.

"I love Christine." He said, somewhat stupidly, trying to ignore his pounding heart. "Please." Raoul snorted. "If you love her, then why haven't you slept with her since Gerard was born?" Erik stared at him dumbfounded. "Don't ask me how I know, I just do."

"I can go sleep with her right now." He managed to retort.  
"So go do it, unless you want to spend more time with me." Raoul was enjoying himself again.  
"I will."

"Won't." Erik quickly stood up, and jumped out of the fountain, and ran towards his house. And Raoul ran over to his house. "I know he won't be able to do it, I know he loves me." He muttered to himself, pounding up the stairs, and into his bedroom, which coincidentally had a perfect view into Christine and Erik's bedroom. Raoul pulled up a chair in front of his window, and settled down for the watch of his life.  
Christine had put the sleeping Gerard down in his crib, when Erik burst into the room.

"Erik what on earth?" She started to ask, but Erik pushed her on the bed, and ran over to the curtains. He tore them apart with such fierceoisty, that they ripped, and fell to the floor. "Shouldn't those be closed?" She asked, figuring out what he wanted to do.

"Nope." Erik said, making sure Raoul was watching them. "I'll show him I love Christine and not him, the foppish bastard." And he twisted around to see Christine lying on the bed, giggling slightly. And nothing happened. "What the fuck?" He muttered furiously to himself. Where was the hardcore animal lust that he had grown accustomed to? He gritted his teeth nonetheless, and jumped on the bed, and swiftly pinned her down. "I love her, I love her." He firmly told himself, while ripping off her dress. He fumbled with her corset strings, and eventually just ripped the corset open. Erik looked up, and saw Raoul staring disdainfully at them.

"Yea, how do you like that?" He screamed over at him. Raoul shrugged, and motioned with his hands, while Christine screamed,  
"Yea, I like it a lot!"

"Ew." Erik looked down at her, wearing a sickened expression. Christine stared back expectantly. "Huh?" He asked her. "Oh yea," he looked down at his pants, and pulled them down. Then he closed his eyes, and waited for the animal instincts to take over. And for some unknown reason, Erik was struck with an image of Raoul. He bit his lip, and immediately grew aroused. "OH GOD NO!" He bellowed, falling backwards, causing Christine to topple over on top of him.

"Does this mean I'm going to be on top? I always thought you had a power issue." Erik grunted in reply, and pulled himself back together enough to finish working his magic.

Raoul watched the scene angrily.  
"The neighbors will think he's killing her." He muttered to himself. He walked over to the curtains, and pulled them shut. "Ok, that didn't work, but I do have another card up my puffy sleeve." He bolted down the stairs, and ran outside. "Library!" He yelled, striking a pose. "The library holds the answers to all, and then Erik will love me!" He grabbed a redheaded woman, and hugged her passionately. He finally let her go and said,

"I wish we could have known each other, this is a little awkward." He apologized, and she crossed her arms angrily.  
"Raoul, we've slept together"  
"Awkward."


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18 

After a day of aimless wandering, Raoul finally found the library.  
"Here we are." Raoul smiled up at the big brick building. "The library." He strode in, and walked up to an elderly librarian. "Excuse me, where are the books to make people fall in love with you?" The woman squinted up at him.

"We don't have books like that." She told him. "But you may find something around that area in the section with the novels by Sirius Sloper." And she pointed off in some direction near the back of the library. Raoul took some misguided turns, and walked under a sign entitled "Jane Austen Only."

"Hello." Raoul strolled up to a man shelving some books. "Is this the Sirius Sloper area?" The man narrowed his eyes at Raoul.

"Get out." Raoul quickly scurried off, and darted into the Self Help section. He grabbed the first book he saw.  
"How to Love Others who don't Return the Favor. What is this shit?" He asked, causing an old lady to stare at him in shock. He stared at her until she looked away, then quickly immersed himself in a novel, and didn't look up until he heard a deep manly voice say,

"...I'm a bit worried, whenever I press down on it, it sounds so off key, not even I can seem to fix it."

"Oh my God Erik!" Raoul thought panicked. He ran around in a circle, flailing his arms wildly, then flattened himself against the bookcase as Erik strolled down the aisle with a male librarian.  
"This should do the trick." The librarian said handing Erik a red book. "It should solve, uh, all problems."

"Thank you monsieur." Erik said gratefully seizing it. He stared down at the book, and shouted back at the retreating librarian, "I meant a pipe organ monsieur!" Raoul turned around, and hastily shoved a fist into his mouth. A perfect book for Erik caught Raoul's eye, and he grabbed it, and handed it wordlessly to Erik. Erik stared down at the book, then up at Raoul, rolled his eyes, and turned his back on Raoul.

An awkward silence passed, and Erik turned back around impatiently when an irritating scratching noise occurred. Raoul was annoyingly tugging on his hair again, and flipping it back and forth against the cover of a book. Erik's heart started to beat wildly, and he got that flushed feeling in his stomach.

"What the hell?" He thought. Christine is no where in sight, why is this happening to me?" Raoul was oblivious to all, and was still flipping his hair. "Would you stop that?" Erik cried angrily, slapping at Raoul's hand. Raoul grabbed Erik's head compulsively and kissed him hard. Erik stood slack in Raoul's grasp, too shocked to do anything. Then abruptly, Raoul let go, and Erik staggered backwards.

"Well-I-what?" He stammered, and Raoul's self-satisfied smirk grew wider, and Erik turned around to make his departure, but only succeeded in slamming into a bookcase, and knocking it over. Erik went down with the bookcase, and they both made a terrific crash.

"What zis all this?" A burly librarian wearing a red and white striped shirt rushed over to the scene of distress. "You're going to have to pick all this up." He told Erik angrily, twisting his moustache. Erik let out a stream of obscenities, and Raoul's eyes widened in shock.

"I've never hear that one before." He muttered, and pulled out a little black notebook. "Next time I see Christine, oho she won't know what hit her." He giggled, writing what Erik said furiously.

"You pick this up, or I'll call the police!" The burly man threatened. Erik gingerly got up from the pile of books, and threw Raoul a death glare, while rubbing his backside.  
"I'm not picking anything up." He said somewhat calmly. Raoul braced himself for an argument. The librarian made a furious step towards Erik, who merely step sided him.

"Here." Raoul tossed Erik a book. "You should probably get out of here." Erik didn't trust himself to speak, and darted out of the library, while the librarian started screaming,

"Police! Police!"  
"Well at least I got my organ book." Erik panted, leaning over to catch his breath, once he was safely outside. He looked down at the book Raoul gave him. "What the-?" He asked the air wildly. "You were supposed to give me my organ book! Not-" He looked back at the book title. "How to Learn to Love your Mother! Ah well." He tossed the book into a empty trash bin, and strolled off like he was cock of the walk. Which he is.

Raoul sauntered down the library stairs.  
"Well that went well." He mused, walking past some policemen. "And I got an interesting book." He looked down at the book affectionately. "Wait dammit, I gave Erik the wrong book." He placed his hand thoughtfully on his chin. "Now I may never learn to love my mother. And now I'm stuck with Kuma Sutra."

Erik walked around Paris for the rest of the day, convincing himself he was still madly in love with Christine Daae. When night fell, he finally decided to return home. And when he got there, he was surprised to see that the house was all dark.

"Christine?" He asked tentatively, stepping into the house. "Are you home?" He walked up the stairs into their bedroom, and saw one candle flickering on their bed stand. "Christine?" He asked again. And he saw a lump in their bed. "That must be her." He thought to himself. He walked up to Christine, and pulled her towards him and kissed her passionately. He got that lovely flushed feeling in his stomach again. "Yes, I knew I loved her." He smiled to himself, as he pulled back, and smelled her sweet scent of Lilacs 'N Butter.

"Oh, I knew this would work, oh Erik, you do love me!" Raoul's voice emitted through the darkness.  
"What the fuck?" Erik clapped his hands, and a dozen candles lit themselves, and Erik saw himself staring at Raoul. "You! How did you get in here? Where's Christine?"

"The important thing is, she wasn't here when I came, and she still isn't here, and you love me!" Raoul clapped his hands, and threw his arms around Erik.

"Don't be stupid." Erik spat, pushing Raoul aside. "I thought you were Christine"  
"Yes, well you still got a massive erection." Raoul pointed out the obvious.

"Get out, get out, get out!" Erik grabbed Raoul, and started pulling him down the stairs. He opened up front door, and threw Raoul out, who ironically landed on Christine, who just arrived home.


	19. Chapter 19

_AN: Let me start off by thanking all you lovely reviewers. Lonely Loony, you are too nice with giving out compliments concerningmy story, but I love them nonetheless...ahomelesspirate, I can only imagine if this was a farce play.. the audience would probably riot... And Final-threshold... no matter how hard I look, I never see Gerry erection, that everyone says he has during PONR...I hope you all love this chapter enough to review it, I have mixed feeling about this...I hope you all enjoy! And I'm hear to point out my _**Disclaimer**, _which is that I don't own Celine Dion's lyrics "All by myself" So don'tsue me for using them!_

**Chapter 19**

"Erik?" Christine's muffled voice came from under Raoul's body.  
"Raoul de Chagny at your service." Raoul said suavely.

"Oh you, get off, get off!" Christine cried out furiously, kicking at Raoul.  
"Argh." Raoul fell back a couple of feet, and landed at Erik's feet. Resisting the urge to kick Raoul, Erik turned around, and strode into the house. Minutes later, Christine walked into the house excitedly.

"Erik!" She called, straining to see him in the darkness of their house. "Oh!" She gasped, as Erik materialized in front of her.  
"Where have you been?" He asked.

"Oh, I was at Meg's, and I have the most exciting news-" Christine began to say excitedly, when Erik interrupted her.  
"Oh my god, where's Gerard, did you leave him here alone?" Christine wrung her hands together nervously.

"Well, I was only going to be away for a moment, and I figured you'd be home soon"  
"Are you crazy, anything could have happened to him." Erik hissed, and started darting up the stairs. He burst into the bedroom, with Christine right behind him. "Oh thank god." He breathed in relief when he saw little Gerry sleeping peacefully in his crib. "What were you thinking? Your stupidity could have cost my son his life." Christine's lower lip trembled, and she looked on the verge of tears.

"He's my son too, and I'm sorry. Just because you have mother issues, if you want him watched after every second, you do it!" She covered her face, and began to sob. Resisting the urge to give Christine a nice smack across the face. Erik grudgingly reached out a hand, and pulled her towards him.

"Stop crying." He said, and Christine started to wail even louder. "Stop crying." He said louder, and Christine stopped, and looked up at him in shock. She was expecting him to soothe her. She sniffled loudly. "Now what is the exciting news you have?" Erik asked, trying to feign interest.

"Oh!" Christine immediately brightened up. "Meg is going to be married! She's going to be an Empress, isn't that exciting? We're both invited of course, and I'll be the Maid of Honor, oh, I'm so excited, and the wedding is going to take place next week!" There was a slight pause.

"Yes, how exciting." Erik finally replied. "Now run off to bed." He patted her on the backside, and she ran off giggling. Erik watched Christine's retreating back, and put his hand in his pocket, feeling the small square box, which he knew held the engagement ring he had bought almost a year ago. Whenever he came close to proposing to her, something always kept him back.  
"Of course if you did propose, maybe it would get Raoul off your back." The voice in his head piped up. "My what a guy that Raoul!" Erik exclaimed. "I mean that bastard." He glared at the wall, and strode into the bedroom.

* * *

Raoul awoke the next day to feel the sunlight streaming into his bedroom.  
"Ahh, a perfect day for seduction." He rolled over, and smiled at his reflection in the mirror. He hastily got dressed, and walked out the front door, hoping for some action.  
"...No, mother, it's my wedding, and I want lilies!" An irate Meg Giry was saying to Mme Giry as they rushed past Raoul. 

"Meg's getting married?" Raoul held a finger to his mouth purposefully. "That means Christine will be there, which means Erik's hot bod will be there, which means I need to find a way to get in." And he scurried off follow Meg and Mme Giry for more information.

A week later, Meg's wedding rolled by, and Christine was having fits of excitement.  
"My dress is blue taffeta colored Erik." She said, in the carriage spreading out her skirt.  
"I see." He said, struggling his lapels on his suit.  
" Blue taffeta colored." She repeated loudly.

"And we're all proud of you Christine." He replied heavily. Christine smiled, and threw her arms around Erik's neck.  
"I have a bad feeling about this." He thought to himself as the carriage trotted up towards the church.

* * *

An hour later, Erik was sitting in the front row bored out of his mind. Christine was up at the altar standing next to Meg, and the wedding was going on and on and on...and on and on. Whenever he felt himself drifting off, Christine would stamp her foot loudly on the floor, causing everyone to get distracted. "Stop falling asleep, and look at me." She hissed at him angrily. 

"Who knew an angel could act so much like a bitch." He muttered, and a pipe organ caught his gaze over in the corner. A fat man, settled himself in front of it, and started playing. Erik winced whenever, the fat man's fat sausage-like fingers hit the keys.  
"No! NO! NO!" He finally screamed, standing up. The priest stopped in mid-sentence, and Christine was glaring at him furiously. Meg's groom started to chortle, but Meg hit him. "When you play the organ, you can't slam on the keys like some key slammer!" He bellowed directly in the fat man's face. The man quaked with fear, and tried to get up, but Erik pushed him back down. "You have to act like the organ is your lover. Gently." He stretched his arms over the man's hand, and started to press the keys down for him. "Now that's music." He said satisfied, and sat back down in his seat like nothing happened, and resumed his trancelike state.

* * *

"Dammit, I'm late." Raoul hurtled up to the church, and walked up the steps cautiously. "For an Empress' wedding, there is no security, and I can just waltz right in." He announced, waltzing right into the church. Immediately his eyes found Erik sitting in the front row. Raoul sighed at his hotness. "Oh screw me Erik!" He murmured. Suddenly everyone turned around in their seats to stare at Raoul. "Well, maybe I didn't murmur that. Maybe I actually bellowed it." He saw Erik clutch at his face. "Oh you know you love it!" He giggled to himself, and found himself a place to sit. 

An hour later, the wedding was finally over, and everyone was making their way to the reception. Raoul eagerly followed the crowd, searching for Erik.  
"A reception always means a free bar." He smirked as he reached the door. Everyone before they left, dipped their hand into a basin of holy water and blessed themselves with it. Raoul rolled his eyes as he reached it, but nonetheless reached his hand in the basin, but immediately withdrew it exclaiming loudly.

"What is it?" A burly woman with huge sideburns asked concerned.  
"It burned me!" Raoul screamed, looking at his hand which was now red.  
"The holy water burned you?" The priest asked, staring at Raoul in disbelief.  
"Yes, that son of a-" Raoul tried to pounce on the basin of holy water, but the priest held him back.  
"Perhaps you should go." "Yea, I'll leave and go straight to the free bar!" Raoul screamed. The priest stared at Raoul's retreating back in distaste. "What a fop."

* * *

"Oh Erik!" Christine exclaimed as they walked into the room where the reception was being held. "Isn't this exciting"  
"Uh yes, this is a dilly of a pickle." Erik muttered sullenly. "Can we just go-" Christine interrupted him by grabbing his hands, and pulling him into the dance floor.  
"Let's dance!" She yelled, and yanked his arms around her waist. She lay her head dreamily against Erik's shoulder, who only sighed heavily. 

Raoul stepped inside the ballroom, and looked around mockingly.  
"What a crapfest, when Christine and I got married, our wedding was so much more expensive and manly then this this." Raoul leaned against the wall, and reminisced. "Ah, I remember it well, getting in a fist fight with a priest over booze." There was a slight pause. "True story." Raoul muttered. Noticing Erik dancing in the center of the floor, Raoul made his way over to him. "Time to make my move!" He swiftly walked behind Christine, and firmly placed his hands on her waist, swung her around, and pushed her away. With a scream of outrage, Christine stumbled a few steps, and fell down on her face. Before anyone could react, Raoul wrapped his arms around Erik's waist, and tried to continue dancing with him.

"What are you doing?" Erik gasped, as Raoul tightened his grip, and started swaying back and forth.  
"Stop acting like Anne Boleyn, you know you love it."

"Let go." Erik growled, trying to squirm out of Raoul's grasp. Raoul just laughed in reply. Erik was having trouble breathing properly, and his heart was beating furiously. With one enormous shove, Erik pushed himself away from Raoul, and fell backwards against a huge table, and landed right on the gigantic wedding cake.

"Uh oh." Raoul took a step backwards, as screams erupted all around him.  
"My wedding cake!" Meg screamed, growing red in the face. "You ruined my wedding!" Meg's beefy husband stepped forward.

"You ruined my wife's cake, and I insist you clean it up." Erik slowly got up, with an expression of utmost loathing on his face. Raoul took another step backwards. Less then thirty seconds had passed, when the two men began fighting each other. Walking by the screaming Meg and Christine, Raoul strolled over to the free bar, and didn't even look back when a huge slab of cake hit him on the back of then neck.

Ten minutes had passed, and after many minutes of coaxing, Erik begrudgingly put his punjab lasso away, and the party continued full throttle. Raoul was now completely smashed, and felt a tad bit depressed.  
"Why does he hate me?" He moaned, throwing glances over at Erik, who occasionally was also staring at him. Raoul picked up a banana, "you're my only friend now." He sniffed pitifully.

Over on the other side of the room, Erik was sensing Raoul's distress.  
"Maybe I should go over there." He said, getting up from his seat, but Christine pushed him back down.  
"Sit down and behave!" She hissed at him.

Raoul decided the moment was opportune to start singing.  
"_When I was young__I never needed anyone And making love was just for fun Those days are gone.."_ He held the banana close to his face. "_All by myself!"_ He suddenly screamed causing the room to stop talking. _"Don't wanna be,"_ He glared at Erik. "_All by myself anymore."_ He took out the banana and started tapping it on the counter pretending he was playing the drums. "Uh uh uh." He grunted, and dissolved into tears. "Wait." He looked up with shiny eyes. "I know what to do, I'll kill myself in front of Erik, that'll show him." His inner voice sighed.

"Kill yourself? How annoyingly angst." Raoul grabbed the knife that was coincidentally lying on the counter next to him, and tried walking over to Erik But he was so drunk he managed to trip over nothing, and fling the knife up at the air.

"Heads up!" He screamed, ducking, and covering his head.  
"Huh?" Erik looked up, then felt a sharp pain on his forehead, and then everything went black.


	20. Chapter 20

_A\N: Thanks for all the reviews everyone, keep it up, and if anyone is really bored I urge you to read my short oneshot "Wipe my Tears", it is an angst...so if anyone feels the urge... Well enjoy this chapter anywho!_

**Chapter 20**

Erik awoke in a bright cheery room. He tried lifting his head, but was rewarded by a sharp pain in his head. Erik gingerly touched his forehead, which was wrapped in a gauze bandage.  
"Oh you're up." Raoul stretched in his chair. "You've been out for a day. And it's so hot in here! My leather pants are just positively sticking to me." Erik ignored him, and rubbed at his eyes.

"Where is Christine"  
"Well she was here when I came in, but when she saw me, she made an annoying face, and haughtily walked past me. But the important thing is that I managed to trip her on the way out." Erik opened his mouth, but Raoul continued talking. "Now Erik, let me give you some advice, when someone screams 'heads up!' you don't actually look up. You need to learn the lingo." Erik muttered something inaudible, and Raoul continued his banter.

"Now don't worry about your luscious face. The doctor informed me that you will have no scarring." Raoul gave a cheery thumbs up.  
"Yeah, great." Erik muttered.  
"Oh, you look so hot when you're pissed off." Raoul got up, and climbed on top of Erik. Erik felt himself flush red, as Raoul leaned in closer and closer.  
"What the hell?" Raoul whipped around, to see Christine staring at them from the doorway. He looked back down at Erik, and could have sworn he saw disappointment etched on Erik's face.

"Oh, um, Phantom, I mean Erik's mask was stuck and I-" Raoul pulled off Erik's mask to illustrate his point, and continued babbling until Erik kicked him off the bed. "Aargh." Raoul screeched, falling into a heap on the floor.  
"Oh Erik you're up!" Christine cooed, rushing over to Erik, and started planting kisses on his face. "I was so worried, the doctor said that once you were up we could leave. So you want to leave?" She stepped back, and smiled at him.

"Yea sure let's go." Erik said, climbing out of bed. He stepped on Raoul's face, and walked out of the room with Christine. Once they walked out of the room, and rounded the corner, Christine broke into chatter once more.  
"Erik I'm worried about Raoul's sanity." Erik snorted, but she continued, "I think it would be best for Raoul to go to a psychiatrist"  
"A psychiatrist?" Erik exclaimed in disgust. "This has nothing to do with you!" Christine rolled her eyes.

"Regardless of that, I have already contacted one for him, and I think we should go and see one"  
"What for? This is rigoddamdiculous, you definitely cannot force me to go anywhere I don't want to go." Christine decided not to press the matter, and they walked out of the hospital in silence.

* * *

Raoul slowly got up from the ground, feeling ecstatic.  
"Disappointment! I saw disappointment on his face! Erik is this close to being mine! MINE!" He kicked the air, and started whooping in a nurse's face. "Dingo!" And he sort of started to skip down the road. He didn't get very far, when two men in white coats grabbed a hold of him.

" I'm sorry vicomte de Chagny, but we have orders from a Christine to basically lock you away"  
"What? You can't do this, unhand me you creeps!" Raoul screeched, kicking at the air wildly. "You can't keep me away from winning Erik's fair heart!" He looked around, and elbowed one of the men in the face. Once the man let his right hand go, he punched the other man in the eye. He started to run away, but stopped, turned around, and kicked one man then the other in the ass. "And Raoul is back in the game!" He started sprinting down the road towards his house. He got a couple of blocks behind him, when he slammed into Erik. "Can't talk Erik, there's a psychiatrist chasing me!"

"A psychiatrist!" Erik gasped. "Curse that Christine"  
"You have to help me hide, here comes one!" Raoul panted, pointing down the road. Using his quick thinking, Erik reached out his hand, and shoved Raoul into a bush. The psychiatrist slowed down to a stop in front of Erik, and stared suspiciously at him. "Hey, hot enough for you?" Erik asked, waving at the man.  
"Shut up." The man sped up again.  
"Bushes are nice." Raoul's voice wavered up towards Erik. "Unless they have prickers, and this one has some, ouch." He clambered out of the bush, picking thorns out of his shirt.

"Better stay off of the streets." Erik said thoughtfully. Raoul beamed up at Erik. "What? What's wrong with you?" Erik asked Raoul irritably.  
"Uh, nothing. Oh man, these leather pants are riding up my ass, I have to go change." Raoul answered, bending his knees vigorously. "Now don't you go anywhere, I'll be back down in a jif." And he darted past a couple of houses, and ran into his.  
"Hey you." Bella said nonchalantly as Raoul flew through the door. "Why are you walking like that? Are you trying to gird your loins"  
"I don't know what that means." Raoul said shortly, as he went up the stairs. He slammed the door to his bedroom, and immediately began pulling at his pants. "Go down, down! No!" He screamed in frustration, and he found that he couldn't peel his pants off. "They're stuck to my bulging masses of legs. I need help." He wobbled over to the nearest window, and leaned out. Looking around, he noticed Erik standing alone, still in the same place where Raoul last left him. "Oh Erik, you didn't disappear, we finally reached the yardstick in our relationship! Ooh, I need you to come up here, and help me rip my pants off." Seeing Erik's facial expression, he hastily restated, "I just need some help with getting my pants off, nothing sexual." He leaned forward. "Unless you want it to turn into that. Rrww." Erik disappeared from Raoul's view, and Raoul slumped onto his bed, disappointed.

Raoul's door creaked open, and Erik hesitantly walked in.  
"Erik!" Raoul rolled off the bed in excitement. "You came! Here," He jumped back on the bed, and shoved his legs in Erik's face, "pull please"  
"I just want to say I am only here because-" He broke off, and Raoul impatiently started kicking his legs.  
"Please, I need these pants off, NOW!" Erik grabbed the bottom of the leather pants, and started tugging furiously. "Whoa." Raoul quickly grabbed the edge of his mattress in order to keep himself from flying off of the bed.  
"These are glued on." Erik grunted, twisting around, and started pulling with all of his might.

* * *

Bella slowly walked up the stairs, with a handful of coverlets in her arms. Oblivious to everything, she was about to stroll into Raoul's bedroom, when angry voices made her pause.  
"Harder! Harder!" Raoul was screeching.  
"I can't go any harder you dandy!" Erik yelled back. "Face it, this is just not going to get off"  
"Get off damn you!" Raoul yelled, and there was a loud ripping noise, a loud grunt, and a huge thump.  
"What is going on in here!" Bella screamed, barging into the room, and looked around the room, scandalized. Raoul had a huge rip down the side of his pants, and he was on top of Erik, who was panting heavily.  
"Oh, Bella, he was just trying to get my pants off." Raoul tried explaining, not moving off of Erik.

"I bet he was." Bella started to smirk.  
"Then I fell off the bed, and on top of Erik." Raoul finished triumphantly, and Erik pushed Raoul off of him angrily. Standing up, he quickly walked out of the room, and Bella heard the front door slam shut.  
"And he's gone again like a cat after pea soup." Raoul muttered softy, falling backwards. "All by myself," He started singing, and Bella made an angry noise, and ran out of the room after Erik. She flung open the front door, and saw him walking off slowly.  
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" She asked furiously.  
"Do I know you?" He answered calmly.

"Oh, you," She sputtered. "You're breaking his heart you know, and making him all depressed, and I have to live with him. And all his moping is pissing me off. Maybe if you came to terms with it"  
"Came to terms with what?" Erik asked, starting to march off.  
"Come to terms with the fact that you are clearly in love with him." Bella answered, stepping front of him. Erik tried to sidestep her, but she cut him off. "Hmmph." Erik pushed her aside, and quickly started jogging away from her.  
"Yeah, denial! That's what you're in, denial!" She screamed after him, and slammed her way back into Raoul's house.


	21. Chapter 21

_A\N: Hola everyone! Hope you like this chapter, I had the whole thing written out, and had my friend read it before posting it, and basically she said it was crap and too random, so I kind of re-wrote, because I'm going with my gut, and I think this chapter pretty funny (I hope), and when I was writing this, I was listening to Rent and watching The Simpsons, so it's a little bit of the wall, but I hope you all love it and review! I have a hole in my heart in the shape of the people who review my story... not that I'm sure you care...hmmm...awkward..._

**Chapter 21**

Erik awoke the next day to stifling heat. He kicked the covers back, and turned over to see that Christine wasn't beside him.

"Christine?" He called, rolling clumsily off of the bed, and landing on the floor with a huge thump, causing Gerard to wake up and start crying. "Fuck, fuck fuck!" He stormed over to Gerard's crib, and gently picked him up, and started rocking him back and forth, when there was a loud knock at the front door. "Christine can you get that?" He hollered, and there was no answer. "Fine." He muttered stonily, and gently lay Gerard back in his crib, then made his way to the front door. "What do you want?" He asked, throwing the door open, and saw a small black kitten wearing a red ribbon around it's neck sitting patiently on a small blanket. "What the fuck?" He muttered, leaning down to inspect a card attached to the red ribbon around it's neck. "To Erik," he read out loud. "For your birthday, I got you a cat to serve companionship, I named it Raouldar." At this point, the kitten looked up at Erik, and started purring. Erik looked back down at the card, and continued reading. "Don't try to rename him either, he'll only react to 'Raouldar', Happy Birthday. P.T.O, don't ask how I know it's your birthday, I just do. Baby."

Erik gently picked up the kitten, or Raouldar as he was called.  
"Sorry little cat, but you can't live with me, you'll just end up getting hurt. Besides, anything Raoul gives away is unacceptable." He leaned down, and tried to shake Raouldar out of his arms, but Raouldar stubbornly clung on, purring defiantly. Raouldar lifted his paws up, and wrapped them around Erik's neck, and then lay his tiny head against Erik's chest. "Well, when you put it that way, welcome to the family." He smiled faintly, and began to stroke Raouldar, when Christine burst through the front door.

"Oh there you are Erik." She cried breathless. "I was getting worried. Why are you holding a cat?" Erik handed Raouldar to Christine wordlessly, and she read the card around his neck interestedly. "Oh my god," she exclaimed after a moments pause. " Raoul has girly handwriting." She snorted derisively. "Oh, and it's your birthday." She glared at Erik, "why didn't you tell me?"

"Well I didn't really think it was a big deal, I didn't even realize it was my birthday, until Raouldar reminded me." He affectionately patted Raouldar's head.  
"Well," Christine started to whisper in what she thought was a sexy voice. "We'll just have to celebrate extra hard tonight." She pressed up against Erik, who started laughing nervously. Grabbing his face, she kissed him passionately, and then abruptly released him, so he fell against the side of the house. Christine then grabbed Erik's ass, and strolled back into the house with Raouldar in her arms. There was an awkward pause, then Erik jumped down the stairs, and strode over to Raoul's house.

"Erik!" Raoul jumped up from his couch, when he saw Erik at his door. "You came to visit?" He asked, swinging his door open.  
"How did you know its my birthday?" Erik simply demanded.  
"Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies." Raoul smirked, and then anxiety clouded his face. "Um, well this really isn't the best time to discuss anything, I'm a bit busy, if you could come back in an hour that would really be helpful"  
"Why, you sleeping with another whore?" Erik asked, inexplicably angry, pushing Raoul aside, and strode into his house.

"Please, please, please." Raoul rushed over, and jumped in front of Erik. "Ummm..." Raoul searched his mind for something to distract Erik. "Ok, I totally just thought of this: isn't it funny that guys piss standing up right next to each other? I find that extremely weird." Erik decided not to dignify this statement with an answer, and he continued on his way into Raoul's living room.

"Ah, Raoul." A dozen fat businessmen were sitting around, smoking, and they all looked up expectantly as Erik burst into the room. There was a slight pause, and one particularly fat man removed the pipe from his mouth and remarked,  
"You're not the Vicomte"  
"Um no, that is correct." Erik fidgeted uneasily, aware of everyone staring at his mask.  
"Ah, messieurs, I see you have met Erik." Raoul hastily walked over to the liquor cabinet.

"Yes, and he seems somewhat intelligent." One man commented, and Erik made a indignant noise in his throat. "Now, uh, monsieur, we are discussing on ways to make Paris a more lucrative city." He paused, and Erik gave a curt nod of his head. "And the vicomte came up with this excellent idea." Erik looked over at Raoul, who started shaking his head frantically.

"No, no, he's lying!" Raoul screamed desperately. "Uh, anyway, the vicomte came up with the idea that the Opera Populaire was just a waste of space, and we are discussing on ways on how to dispose of the Opera house. Perhaps you could help us think of an amusing way to get rid of it?" The man continued earnestly.  
"What?" Erik exploded, taking angry steps over towards Raoul. "Why in god's name would you want to get rid of the Opera Populaire?"

"Well it's just," Raoul cowered against his wall as Erik advanced towards him. "People don't really go to the opera any-Gahh!" Erik wrapped his thin fingers around Raoul's neck, and started throttling him.  
"Well actually," The man continued, "I think your exact words were 'the opera sucks, and anyone who spends more than a day at the Opera Populaire has no life of their own.'" Erik growled, and tightened his grip on Raoul's neck.  
"Yes, this new guy seems a little too anxious for my liking." Another man said, trying to reach down and grab a saltine off of the floor.

"I know what will loosen him up." One unctuous man commented, sneering and digging into a bag, and retrieving a pipe. He poured a little bit of mixture in it, and then lit it. "Here you go." The man handed it to Erik, smiling widely. Erik cautiously let go of Raoul, who immediately ran back over to his liquor, gasping for breath. Erik grabbed the pipe, and hesitantly turned to look at Raoul, who now looked as if he was trying to conceal his excitement. He eagerly nodded at Erik, and then started to gulp down his brandy. "Eh." Erik nonchalantly shrugged, and started to smoke.

* * *

Two minutes later, Raoul quit his alcohol and joined in Erik, and began smoking. Five minutes later they were both stoned out of their minds.  
"No no no, I have got such the biggest craving for pastrami, let's eat sheets of pastrami!" Raoul gasped for breath, and ran into his kitchen.  
"There's a hole your carpet!" Erik yelled, dropping to his knees, and paused for a moment, and then sniffed at the air, and then up the leg of an extremely fat man.  
"What the fuck?" The man gasped, yanking his leg out of Erik's reach.  
"The world is at your feet!" Erik screamed, bowing down to them all, and then Raoul came skidding down the hall with a bowl of pastrami.

"Oohh I love pastrami, but not as much as I love your taut muscular thighs." Raoul giggled, and fell down next to Erik. Erik nodded vigorously, and dug his hands into the bowl, and wriggled them around.  
"All right, that's enough out of you." He yelled, throwing a scrap of pastrami at Raoul, who grabbed Erik by the shoulders, and started pushing him back and forth.  
"Ssshhh, your pants are flaring out of control! There will be piss flying in everyone's boots in a moment." He looked thoughtfully up at the ceiling for a moment.  
"This is getting to vulgar for me." One man frowned, chomping on some saltines.  
"Ssh, this is deliciously disgusting." The man who originally gave Erik the pipe said, leaning forward intently.

"I want to tell you a story," Erik regained control of himself. "It's called 'Salty Sea Stories!' It involves pantyhose."  
"Can lettuce ravish me in my sleep?" Raoul inquired, looking anxiously around.  
"Ok, you know what?" Erik demanded, shoving pastrami in a hole in the carpet.  
"What?" Raoul asked politely.  
"Shut up about my mother!" Erik yelled, hitting Raoul over the head. "Now sing for me"  
"Ok, it's hard to keep track of you, when you keep screaming out nonsensical things." Erik fixated a cold stare at Raoul, who opened up his mouth to speak, but Erik interrupted him.

"Quiet." Erik ordered, and held his hands in front of his face. "I hear it, I hear it, I hear it, my song! I see the music." He began swaying drunkenly in time to music that seemed to be playing inside his head.  
"Crotchal moisture-" Raoul tried to get in with the random action, but Erik tackled him before he could say anything else.  
"You're down! Down you!" He screamed repeatedly, his head buried in Raoul's stomach. Raoul began wailing furiously, tugging at his hair. There was a loud rip, and several strands of Raoul's golden brown hair came off in his hand.  
"Nooo!" Raoul covered his eyes, and began crying.

"Shh, shh, don't play detective." Erik whispered, placing two fingers on Raoul's chin. Realizing just who was on top of him, and whose lips were just a mere five inches from his own, Raoul decided to be a gentleman, and take advantage of a man who probably wouldn't remember anything that happened the next day. He dug his fingers into Erik's hair, and pushed his lips against Erik's. Erik's eyes bulged open, and tried to pull himself away, but Raoul pushed Erik down against the floor, and began kissing him passionately, running his hands up Erik's chest.

"Now this, THIS is awkward." The fattest man pointed, and got up, and hastily exited the room, and returned five minutes later with a bowl of pudding. Raoul finally pulled back, leaving them both breathless.  
"God, I need some booze." Raoul whispered, tightening his grip on Erik's shirt. Erik opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again.  
"I'm so scared right now." He commented, while Raoul clambered off of him, and started pouring gin down his throat.

"Ohhhh, why does distance make us wise!" Erik started crooning, while lying on his back, wriggling his arms about. Apparently done with his booze, Raoul threw his gin bottle up in the air, and watched it smash on his carpet with mild interest. He twirled around, and then stopped suddenly.  
"Oh god." He stumbled, and doubled over, and vomited all over the fat businessman who was slurping at his chocolate pudding.

"Nooooooo!" The man hollered, and he darted out of the house furiously, with the rest of the businessmen plodding behind him. Raoul slowly turned around, and sheepishly smiled at Erik, who was deep in thought, "Christine." He said quietly. "Christine!" And he jumped up, and ran out of the house, treading on Raoul's foot as he went.  
"Oh goddammit." Raoul heaved a sigh, and chased after Erik.

* * *

Christine was relaxing in the bath, when she heard Erik screaming from outside,  
"Christine! Christine!" She tried to ignore him with little success, but as his screams grew more agitated, she slowly climbed out of the bath, and pulled her robe around her.

"What? What is it? Are you hurt?" She asked, hurrying to the window.  
"Hey, Christine!" Erik screamed, wrapping his hands around his face.  
"Oh my god, what's wrong?" Christine asked, leaning out of the window.  
"Can you throw us down a couple of rolls of toilet paper?" Erik calmly asked. "I mean Raoul wouldn't have any, he's a vicomte, they wipe their asses with bark"  
"What in god's name are you talking about?" Christine threw her arms up angrily. "No, just forget it, that's enough out of you."

"Just throw down the toilet paper." Erik said.  
"Fine, fine." She disappeared for a moment, and then chucked some rolls down at Erik.

"Yes." He breathed in, and tossed a roll over to Raoul, who caught it a bit unsteadily. "Quick let's tepee the house." He chuckled to himself, and began throwing one toilet roll up against his house.  
"Oh shudder." Raoul sighed, and reluctantly started throwing more rolls.

"Oh for god's sake!" Christine muttered moodily, as a roll of toilet paper hit her head. She disappeared from view, and slammed her way out of the house. Spotting her, Erik panicked.  
"Run man!" He bellowed, throwing the toilet paper in the air, and he tried to run away, but Christine caught the back of his shirt, and hauled him back into their house. "But Christine, the music!" Erik pleaded, but she pushed him back into the house, and slammed the door behind them. Raoul tottered for a few moments unsteadily, and then passed out in Erik and Christine's front lawn.

"I cannot believe you!" Christine was saying furiously inside the house.  
"Oh Christine." Erik's head lolled around, and he looked up at her through squinted eyes. "Let's just have sex." Christine suppressed a giggle. "Oh all right." She smirked, "hang on, I'm stuck." She turned around to pull the bottom of her robe out from underneath a chair. There was a huge thump, and Christine turned around to see a unconscious Erik, lying on the stairs. "That is it." She cried, "tomorrow we are going to a psychiatrist!"


	22. Chapter 22

_**A\N: Hola everyone welcome to another amazing chapter of this fanfic...Actually, Raoul doesn't make a appearance in this chapter, so it's not as groin grindingly good as the others...but next chapter will have all that good **Spontaneous action...Wow, I just glanced at my little outline sheet and noticed that I only have five chapters left to write, sad...but I have about a zillion more ideas left...like Christine falling in love with Buquet...no, I'm not joking...well read and review review review like the wind.._

**Chapter 22**

Christine awoke at the crack of dawn, and immediately began dressing in a pink dress. Once she was finished with examining herself in the full length mirror, she turned back to the still form of Erik. She sighed,  
"Erik!" She commanded clapping her hands. "Let's go, we have a appointment in thirty minutes sharp."

"Noo, Christine." He mumbled, pulling the covers over his head. "Let me sleep you selfish-" Christine let out a grunt, and kicked at him, causing him to roll off the bed. Erik was up in a moment.

"I have had just about enough of you ordering me around!" He snarled, rolling back into bed. Christine gritted her teeth, and walked around, and gripped Erik by the ear.  
"And I have had enough of you hanging around Raoul all the time, or coming home drunk, or whatever misguided shenanigans you always seem to get yourself into!" She groaned, trying to pull Erik out of the bed. "Now, we are going to a psychiatrist, now!"

"Fine, we'll go to a fucking psychiatrist, but only to find out what's wrong with you!" Erik stalked out of the room, and out of the house still in his nightclothes.  
"Remember anything at all about yesterday?" Erik jumped, and turned to see Bella casually leaning against the side of his house.  
"How long have you been there?" He asked.  
"The point is are you over your denial yet? Remember anything in particular about yesterday?" She smirked coyly. Erik paused for a moment.  
"No." He finally said with more confidence then he felt.

"Really?" Bella said, with the same deliberate calmness, examining her nails carefully. "Because I for one remember walking down the stairs, and seeing Raoul on top of you, making out with you." In one swift step, Erik crossed over to Bella, and grabbed her by the throat, and pushed her against his house.  
"Well." She croaked. "Is this how you seduced Christine, by grabbing her by the throat, then-gaah"  
"You are lying." He said softly through clenched teeth tightening his grip. Bella let out a strangled laugh.

"Guess you are not over your denial." Bella croaked, and Erik released her throat, as Christine opened the door, and stared at them. "Well I think I'll be off." Bella smiled, massaging her throat. Christine gave Erik a penetrating look, before whipping out a small notebook and after scribbling something in it, she held out her arm to Erik. "Shall we?" She inquired, smiling sweetly.

Ten minutes later they arrived at the psychiatrist's office, and an elderly woman led them into her office.  
" Hello, I'm Madame Feferfill, I, ah, are you not wearing any pants?" She asked, staring at Erik, who looked down at his pantless self.  
"I seemed to have misplaced my pants." Erik said.

"Yes, well, moving on." Madame Feferfill continued on pleasantly, examining her clipboard. "Now you are, the vicomtess de Chagny?" She peered over at Christine.  
"Daae." Christine corrected hastily. "Mademoiselle Christine Daae, I don't know why you would still think I was a vicomtess." The woman squinted at her papers.  
"Well it appears that when you contacted us for an appointment, you introduced yourself as the vicomtess." Madame Feferfill answered as Erik gave a derisive snort. "And you are-" She consulted her notes again. "Monsieur Erik P-"

"All right, let's get to the 'important' stuff." Erik settled back in his chair.  
"Well," the woman pushed her glasses up her nose. "I'm just going to hear you guys bitch each other out, and come to a conclusion from that"  
"Finally!" Christine shouted, and then turned accusingly to Erik. "Why don't you ever spend anytime with me? You always act like a jackass, and are always in the presence of Raoul! You used to never get enough of me, what the hell is the matter with you"  
"Hey, you're the one who has been acting all bitchy for around ten months." Erik retaliated defensively.

"Don't you call me a bitch!" Christine shrieked, pounding her balled up fists against the armchair. "You-you murderer"  
"Yea, well, you're wearing that dress that a idiot." Erik threw a small pillow at Christine's scarlet face.

"All right, I think I have my conclusion." Madame Feferfill interrupted, writing furiously. "Now Erik," she peered over at the scowling Erik. "When did you realize that you were attracted to men?"

"WHAT?" Erik and Christine simultaneously exploded.  
"Well it appears so." Madame Feferfill calmly answered as Christine jumped out of her chair and started pacing back and forth.  
"Oh my God!" She screamed. "This explains everything!" She cast Erik an aghast gaze.

"Oh for fucks sake, I am NOT gay. We have a child." Erik raised his fist threateningly towards Madame Feferfill.  
"Oh yes." Madame Feferfill flipped through her notes furiously. "Baby Gerard. Is he alone in the house right now"  
"No," Christine said, giving Erik a penetrating stare before continuing. "Raouldar is watching over him."

"Raouldar?" Madame Feferfill asked.  
"The cat." Erik let out a frustrated groan, covering his face with his hands. "You'd be surprised how responsible that mammal could act"  
"All right, let's just get back on track." Madame Feferfill clapped her hands impatiently. "According to my expert note-taking, it is in fact true Erik, that you are gay." Christine seemed to get over her anxiety, and started giggling.

"There is no way that he is gay." She smirked slyly, wrapping her arms around Erik's neck. "Believe me"  
"Then why aren't you two married, or at least engaged." Madame Feferfill pursed her lips at Christine's scandalized look.  
"Why haven't you proposed to me?" She let out a horrified scream.

"Well, I mean, really," Erik sputtered. "The right time, really hasn't passed by"  
"Oh please!" She yelled, tears starting to course down her cheeks. "Last year you forced me into a wedding dress, and threatened to kill Raoul if I didn't marry you"  
"Well," Erik stared at a spot on the wall hoping for inspiration. "Oh, well of course I didn't want to force marriage upon you again, and tear us apart." He nodded. "Yes, that'll do nicely."

"Ooh!" Christine squealed happily. "So it's agreed, let's get married!" She threw her arms around an astonished Erik.  
"Oh, goody." Erik smiled weakly. Madame Feferfill made a skeptical face at Erik, and cleared her throat.

"All right, let's go to the next phase. If you will both stand up." Madame Feferfill walked over to a small closet, and pulled out two long foam sticks. "Now I'm feeling that there is something pent up in this relationship." At this point Madame Feferfill gave Erik a pointed look. "And I feel that maybe beating each other with these sticks will show me the outline of your relationship." Christine eagerly jumped off of the couch, and grabbed one of the foam sticks.

"I fail to see the purpose of this exercise." Erik commented, but nonetheless, he grudgingly grabbed the other foam stick. Giggling, Christine playfully hit Erik in his calf.  
"All right Erik." Madame Feferfill nodded towards him. "Now you hit her back"  
"I'm not going hit Christine."

"Oh come on." Christine was caught up in the moment, and started prodding Erik with the top of the stick. "You won't hit me, but you'll kill Buquet, Piangi, and a million other people. Oh, has the murdering phantom finally gone soft? Huh?" Erik gritted his teeth. "Huh? Huh?" Christine continued gleefully. She opened her mouth, but before she could utter another sound, there was a loud whapping noise, and Christine was crumpled on the floor unconscious.

"Oh my god!" Madame Feferfill rushed past Erik, who was still was holding the foam stick high in the air. "What is the matter with you?" She asked eyeing the foam stick apprehensively.  
"Oh come on, she was asking for it." Erik said, dropping the stick.  
"I think she's dead!"

"Oh she's fine." Erik calmly answered leaning over to check out the prostrate form of Christine. "All right, I think we're done here." He grunted, while hoisting Christine over his shoulder. "Thank you for saving our relationship, after all, thanks to you, we are now engaged." Erik said, shaking Madame Feferfill's hand vigorously. And with one final bow, Erik strode out of the room with the knocked out Christine, leaving one astonished Madame Feferfill alone with her scattered notes.


	23. Chapter 23

_AN: Well it's been awhile since I updated, but I've been tied up, but once Nutcracker's over I'll be updating faster then flies flying over striped pants. But a big merci beaucoup to everyone who has been reviewing, I hope it continues...well enjoy this chapter which I feel is rather awkward..._

**Chapter 23**

Once Erik had left the building, Christine gave a snort, and opened her eyes.  
"Whazza?" She asked blearily. "Where are we Erik? Why aren't we still with Madame Feferfill, and why does my head throb?" Sighing, Erik bent over, and let Christine back on her feet.

"Don't you remember Christine?" He asked gently, and she shook her head slightly. "Madame Feferfill called you a whore, and blamed all of our relationship problems on you. She said that the fact that you led two men at the same time, was quite crushing. And she kindly pointed out that you marrying another man, and then coming to me when you got bored with him, is the reason why our relationship is on the rocks." Erik stepped back, and glanced at Christine's quivering face with glee.

"How dare she, how dare she!" She screamed rushing back towards the building, but Erik quickly caught her by the waist, and pulled her back.  
"Calm down tiger." He whispered softly in her ear. "Don't worry, you bitched her out completely, the look on her face was priceless, I can't believe you don't remember this." He started dragging Christine back towards their house.

"I do remember foam sticks." She began, with a confused look on her face.  
"What foam sticks? Ha, there were no foam sticks." Erik chortled to himself, and glanced at Christine to see if she believed him, and noticed that she had a huge black and blue mark on her face. They continued on the way with silence, and once they reached their house, Erik was immensely relieved.  
"Now darling, you go straight upstairs and sleep, you've been through a terrible ordeal."

"All right." Christine said softly. She stepped forward, and kissed him hardly. "I'll be waiting, monsieur fiancé." Erik watched her slowly enter the house, and cursed silently.  
" Damn, I was hoping maybe she forgot that little fact." He looked around, and started to walk slowly across the road. "Maybe I could just walk to Santa Fe, and leave Christine here to rot"  
"Erik!" Erik turned around to see none other than Raoul running towards him. "Now, doesn't this look familiar." He mused to himself.

"Don't run away." Raoul panted once he reached Erik, who looked down at the bended over Raoul, and his heart start to thud wildly. "Ok, I have something to tell you." Raoul said standing up, just inches away from Erik's face, who felt himself start to flush. "Oh my god!" Erik's mind shouted to itself. " I don't know when this happened but you are so in love with Raoul de Chagny!" Erik let out a little eep, which Raoul ignored.

"Well I just want to say, oh my god!" Raoul interrupted himself, while searching Erik's bright red face. "You finally got over your denial, I knew it! I can tell from your face that you are so in love with me"  
"Am not." Erik squeaked.  
"Raoul de Chagny, you're more animal than man." Raoul told himself, leaning against a house.

"I'm engaged." Erik finally commented.  
"Well you can't marry Christine, she's still married to me, technically." Raoul placed a fist on his chin.  
"I have a child."

"I don't see where you're going with this." Raoul looked momentarily confused.  
"The facts are that no matter what, I'm not going to leave Christine and Gerard for-" Erik's throat closed up. "You!" He finally spat out. "And to make sure this never happens, I am never speaking to you again, whenever I see you on the street, I'll turn and walk the opposite way." He stopped, panting slightly, and then finally turned around, and sped off with all sorts of feelings coursing through him.

* * *

"Dammit, damnit." Erik growled to himself, pacing wildly in front of his house. "I mean when did this happen? How fuck did I fall in love with Raoul?" He hollered, then quickly looked around to see if anyone had heard him. There was silence all around, the from inside the house, there was the sound of breaking glass, and Gerard started to cry. Erik furiously pressed his fists against his eyes. "Nevertheless, I will never leave Christine, I mean I can't. I think."

* * *

Raoul stood in the same spot where Erik had left him. His eyes grew cloudy, and he blinked back tears.  
"Well look on the bright side," the voice inside his head informed him. "He basically told you he was in love with you." In response, Raoul turned around, and started slamming his head against his front door. The door opened, and Raoul fell against Bella's chest.  
"Oh sweetie what's the matter?" She asked, gazing into Raoul's face. Raoul shook his head, covering his eyes.  
"I hate him!" He finally yelled in a strangled voice, then pushed away from Bella, and made his way over to his favorite spot. The local pub.  
"Aw dammit," Bella muttered slamming back into the house.

* * *

"Oh god this is a delicious pear." The bartender munched on a pear stem, and threw a beer bottle at a melancholy Raoul.

"How did I get here?" Raoul wailed, shaking his arms wildly. "Why does Erik hate me? Or love me, I don't even know anymore." He took a swig of Jack Daniels and as the alcohol seeped into the greasy cogs of his brain, a illuminating idea struck him. "I'll beat the bastard at his own game, I'll make him the miserable one. Get him to move out of Paris-" he stuttered slightly. "Get him to go to China!" And with that he swaggered out of the bar, and tipsily made his way to Erik's house. He looked up at the fifth story, and saw an outline of a person at the window, and assumed that it was Erik.

"Hey Erik, move out of Paris! Or do you really want a neighborhood where people piss on your stoop!" Raoul quickly whipped out his manhood, and starting pissing all over Erik's stoop. "Bohemia, Bohemia! Erik!" He hollered, starting to cry, shaking his pelvis. "Do you see what I'm doing"  
What on earth _are_ you doing?" A soft voice whispered in Raoul's ear. Raoul whipped around to see Erik staring at him in disdain. "I'm not impressed I'll tell you that." He muttered looking at Raoul's piss soaked clothes.

"I'm pissing on your stoop." Raoul snarled, then stopped suddenly. "Wait a tick! I recognize this stoop, this is my house! Oh my god, I'm pissing on my own stoop!" Raoul dissolved into fresh tears, and collapsed at Erik's feet.

"Oh for god's-" Erik leaned over to check out Raoul, and noticed that he was passed out. Just then, the sky opened up, and it started to pour. "Beautiful." Erik muttered, as droplets of rain slid down his mask. There was a slight pause, then Erik leaned back over to Raoul, and hoisted him up in his arms. He kicked the front door open, and climbed his way up to what he hoped was Raoul's room. "Damn it, you are a mess." Erik grunted, dropping Raoul onto his bed. He started to walk off, but noticed that Raoul was completely soaked and shivering. And there was also the fact that he was piss soaked.  
Disgruntled, Erik made his way back over to Raoul, and carefully brushed a lock of his golden hair out of his eyes. He slowly ran a finger down Raoul's jaw line for moment, and then realized who he was with. "Hmm, right," Erik coughed multiple times, and started unbuttoning Raoul's linen shirt. "Might as well get you out of your wet things so you don't die on us." He glanced at Raoul's pants. "But I will not be taking your pants off." He tossed the wet shirt aside, and got distracted by Raoul's bare broad chest. "Focus, focus." He hissed insistently to himself, and reluctantly tore his longing gaze away from Raoul, and made his way to the door, and pulled on the knob, and found that it was stuck.

"What the fuck?" He hissed, twisting the knob every which way. He craned his neck, and looked out of the small glass circle in the middle of the door, and saw Bella standing nonchalantly with her back to the door.  
"Hey you!" Erik screamed, pounding his fists on the door. Bella turned around completely unsurprised, and pointed a finger to herself.  
"Me?" She asked in a innocent tone.

"Yes you, open this door this instant!" Erik ordered harshly.  
"About that." Bella walked up to the door, shaking a key in Erik's face. "I don't think I'll be doing that. Now you kids behave yourselves, and try not to be too loud." And she ran off chortling, ignoring Erik's angry screams. After about five minutes of useless threats, Erik retreated from the door, and walked back over to Raoul's bed.  
"Well, I might as well get some sleep as long as I'm stuck here." He muttered, and curled up in a little ball next to Raoul, and soon fell asleep.


	24. Chapter 24

_A\N: Hidey Ho fellow readers...Just would like give a merci buckets to all my reviewers...Keep it up everyone! And also, I'm just goin to say it probably won't be for awhile until I update again, what with Christmas coming up, and me not buying any presents yet. Well I'm rambling, just read and review and enjoy!_

**Chapter 24**

"You know, it's a thing called sticking to the shadows." Erik remarked, watching Raoul struggle in the moonlight. Suddenly they both heard footsteps, and Raoul grabbed Erik.

"They are on to us! Kiss me"  
"What"  
"Kiss me"  
"No no no!" Raoul quickly stood, blocking the bloodhound from view, and started kissing Erik passionately, who for once didn't pull away.

"Oh good GOD!" A shocked male voice yelled from behind them, and Raoul tightened his grip on Erik to prevent him from escaping. "Two men kissing! Burn! Kill!" The man roared running off into the distance, and lights starting turning on in people's houses.

"Oh my god, we're going to get lynched! Run man!" Raoul screamed clenching his face in shock.

* * *

**1 hour earlier**

Daylight streamed through the window, and Raoul squinted his eyes against the harsh sunlight.

"Oh god, my throbbing headache is pulsating worse than a zucchini." He rolled over and let out a gasp. "Oh my god, Erik!" He gaped at the unconscious Erik, then made a quick check to see if he was wearing any clothes. "What the hell happened last night?" He tried racking his brains in vain. He stared at Erik in hope, and noticed that his mask was askew. Reaching out a hand, Raoul attempted to straighten the mask, but Erik's hand shot out, and grabbed his wrist.

"What are you staring at?" He asked harshly, glaring up at Raoul.  
"Um, your face?" Raoul asked. With a grunt, Erik heaved himself off of bed, and started to the door, while Raoul flopped back on bed. "I don't know why I always think you hate me. I should know better, especially since I woke up in bed next to you"  
"We didn't do anything." Erik replied quickly. "Your stupid maid locked me in here, and I just went to sleep next to you."

"After copious amounts of fornication?" Raoul asked. Erik threw him a disgusted look, and threw the door open. "Oh yes, you were so locked in." Raoul chortled to himself, as Erik slammed his way out of the room. "I believe this calls for celebration." Raoul pumped his fist wildly. "Back to the pub I so go."

* * *

"You cleaned the toilet seat." Christine commented wonderingly as Erik stepped into the house.  
"I-what?" He asked puzzled.  
"Oh my god, are you asking me to marry you tonight?" She squealed.  
"What?" He asked again.  
"The answer is yes!" She threw her arms around him.  
"Whoa, what just happened?" He asked.

* * *

Meanwhile, Raoul was twirling his way downstairs.  
"Raoul what is this?" Bella asked, holding up a long leather jacket.  
"It's the sharp jacket I just bought, why"  
"Well, I mean it's pretty I guess, but it's really long"  
"First of all, that's what she said." Raoul remarked seriously. "And second of all, that's what she said." And with that he darted out the front door.  
"Whoa, what just happened?" Bella asked.

* * *

Back at the Maison de Erik, Erik was trying to disengage himself from Christine.  
"Ok Christine, we can't uh, get married tonight"  
"Why not?" Christine pouted.  
"Because, oh my god, Raouldar is missing, and I have to go and find him." Erik squealed, noticing the fact that Raouldar was nowhere to be seen and he darted out of the house.  
"Whoa, what just happened?" Christine asked.

* * *

Erik stepped out of the house, and looked around.  
"Oh god," he muttered to himself. "Where is Raouldar?" He snapped his fingers as an idea struck him. Running to the side of the house, he jumped inside his horse drawn carriage. "I'm off to save Raouldar, the wonderful cat named Raouldar, la la la la la la la la." Erik softly hummed to himself, while looking every which way for Raouldar. Suddenly, a figure ran out in front of his carriage, and Erik had to quickly swerve and stop quickly.

"What the hell? You dumbass!" Erik swore angrily, climbing out of the carriage to come face to face with a smashed Raoul.  
"Whee!" Raoul threw up a bottle in the air, and started twirling around wildly.  
"I just saw you thirty minutes ago, how did you get so drunk"  
"Ssh," Raoul pressed two fingers against Erik's chin. "Don't play detective"  
"Oh for god's sake, let me just help you get home again, before you kill yourself." Erik huffed.

"Did you know in Indonesia, if you get caught masturbating, you get decapitated?" Raoul giggled. "Oh if only they knew what I was doing five minutes ago, I would be in deep shit." He raised his left hand, and made the move as if to clap Erik on the shoulder, but he quickly dodged Raoul.  
"Oh don't touch me with those fingers that have been god knows where." Erik picked Raoul up by the waist, and sort of threw him into the carriage. He quickly jumped on the carriage, and started driving again, when Raoul leaned forward, and started murmuring in Erik's ear.

"Erik, I just have to say, you've got a butt that won't quit! They've got these big chewy pretzels here," and Raoul started muttering indecipherably, but suddenly starting screaming. "Five francs? Get outta here"  
"JESUS!" Erik bellowed, caught by surprise, swerving again, and then there was a huge thud as the carriage ran over a giant object. "Oh dear." He remarked sardonically. "We seem to have ran something over."

"Gee I hope it's Erik!" Raoul piped up. Erik threw him a dirty look. "I mean Christine." He quickly corrected himself. Erik jumped off of the carriage, and then shouted "Well thanks to you Raoul de Chagny, we just ran over and killed a bloodhound"  
"Oh my god." Raoul toppled out of the carriage. "That's the Archduchess Margaret's dog!" He started looking around anxiously. "We got to get rid of the evidence."

"Excuse me?" Erik asked.  
"Do you know what the Archduchess will do to us if she finds out what we did? That crazy bitch has had it in for me ever since I pissed in her petunias"  
"Well you can what you want but I'm leaving. I don't care if this Archduchess finds out anything"  
"No no." Raoul grabbed Erik's arm, and started to drag the bloodhound into an alleyway.

"You know, it's a thing called sticking to the shadows." Erik remarked, watching Raoul struggle in the moonlight. Suddenly they both heard footsteps, and Raoul grabbed Erik.  
"They are on to us! Kiss me"  
"What"  
"Kiss me"  
"No no no!" Raoul quickly stood, blocking the bloodhound from view, and started kissing Erik passionately, who for once didn't try to pull away.

"Oh good GOD!" A shocked male voice yelled from behind them, and Raoul tightened his grip on Erik to prevent him from escaping. "Two men kissing! Burn! Kill!" The man roared running off into the distance, and lights starting turning on in people's houses.  
"Oh my god, we're going to get lynched! Run man!" Raoul clenched his face in horror, shoving Erik forward.

"You fool." Erik shook his head almost pityingly, and with a swish of his cape he disappeared.  
"Now I'm going to go home and celebrate our love that dares not speak its name." Raoul said satisifingly,and he sort of strolled off. Thenwith a soft meow Raouldar landed on Erik's shoulder.

"Whoa, what just happened?" Erik asked, dazed.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

"I have the solution!" Raoul trilled to himself, skipping back to his mansion. "Bella!" He hollered, running into the house.  
"Yes?" she answered, walking down the stairs.  
"I know how to make Erik leave Christine, and come straight into my arms! I am going to kill Madame Giry"  
"Hahahaha." Bella leaned on the banister for support, but stopped at the sight of Raoul's face. "Oh you're serious."

"Yes." Raoul nodded his head vigorously. "I mean, he's so close to leaving that cold hearted bitch, and I feel that this will push him into it"  
"Let me get this correct, Madame Giry is one of the only people Erik actually likes?" Bella asked, and Raoul nodded.  
"She helped him in some way, I don't know, but the point is that the closer they are the sweeter the kill will be"  
"So kill Christine"  
"Please," Raoul rolled his eyes. "It needs to be someone he likes. Hello!"

"I'm sorry but you're not making any sense." Bella commented, sitting down. "Usually when you kill someone's 'friend', they have an urge to kill you, not the urge to jump into your pants"  
"Haha." Raoul chortled. "You'll see, once Erik sees that I killed Madame Giry, he'll see that I would do anything for him, and come running right into my bedroom." He nodded to himself. "Yes that is what he'll do."

"That is the stupidest plan ever, and it doesn't even make sense." Bella giggled, getting up and rummaging through the cupboards. "But I hope I'm there when it blows up in your face"

* * *

Erik slowly made his way back home, and dazedly walked in the front door, and plopped down on an armchair.  
"And where have you been?" Slowly, Erik turned, and saw the figure of Christine in the doorway.

"I don't know, you see I was on my way here, when I tripped, and smashed my head against the concrete." Erik began talking amicably. "And then, you see, I died! And I was rising up towards heaven, I saw the light!" He was getting quite into his speech. "Then a voice began speaking to me, it said that I had never done a good deed in my life, and I was forced to spend all eternity in hell, and then I ended up here."

"Don't be a smartass." Christine hissed, stepping towards Erik, and pulling him up by the ear.  
"Oww!" He let out a holler, and pushed Christine away from him, who let out a scream of outrage.  
"Don't you dare do that again!" She screamed, tears forming at the ends of her eyes.

"One of these days Christine," Erik said shaking a fist in front of her face. "One of these days." And he moodily made his way up to the bedroom, and soon, the house was vibrating with unstable music.  
After a long time, Erik could no longer play, and he lay a shaking head on the keys of the organ.  
"Curse you Raoul de Chagny, curse you to hell." He whispered hoarsely to himself, and closed his eyes.

"Oh my god, Erik!" Christine's shrill voice carried up the stairs, jerking Erik out of his thoughts, and in his surprise, he toppled backwards off of the bench. "Erik!" Christine voice persistently called. "Look out the window! There are carolers Erik! Carolers!" Swearing slightly, Erik got up, and looked out the window in the crisp night air, where a bunch of carolers had gathered and were singing a song of some sort.

"Happy hol-" The carolers were interrupted by Erik screaming,  
"Oh go fuck yourselves!" There were some scandalized looks, and angry grumbling, and Christine shouted in a shocked tone,  
"Control your temper Erik!" Erik sighed, and lay his head on the windowsill. The carolers moved on to Raoul's house, and resumed singing joyfully. Erik turned away from the window, when the sound of crashing glass made him turn around in time to see Raoul shout out the window,

"Go fuck yourselves!" The carolers quickly ran off, and Erik leaned back out the window.  
"Oh hey!" Raoul noticed Erik, and waved vigorously at him, who waved halfheartedly back with something of a smirk on his face.

"Oh Erik," Christine's singsong voice came from behind Erik, and he grudgingly turned around to see Christine clad in a bathrobe. She started swinging the ties of the bathrobe, and slid part of the robe off, revealing her bare slender shoulders. She licked her lips in what she thought was a seductive manner, and Erik looked back at Raoul desperately. Christine let the robe fall to the floor, and Erik stared at her naked body.  
"Oh dammit." He cursed softly to himself.  
"Let's make love." She growled, and shoved him onto the bed.

* * *

Raoul turned away from the window, and grabbed a knife off of his dresser.  
"All right, operation: fish is now under way." He jumped down the stairs, and slammed into Bella, nearly stabbing her.

"Oh for goodness sake, I'm telling you, if you go and kill that Giry woman you will live to regret it." She said, continuing on her way up the stairs.  
"Bah." Raoul muttered, and walked out of the house. "All right, now where to find Madame Giry." He murmured to himself, and began walking towards the Opera Populaire.

"This really is a stupid plan." A voice inside Raoul's head informed him.  
"Quiet!" He hissed, clenching the handle of the knife. "I love Erik, and this will work dammit. Oh my god, oh my god." He started hyperventilating as he saw Mme Giry exit the Opera Populaire. "Ok, ok this is it." He quickly ran up behind Mme Giry, and held the knife to her throat. She immediately stiffened, and opened her mouth to speak, but Raoul quickly covered it.

"Do it now!" He told himself, but found that he couldn't. "Dammit, you were in such a rush to do this stupid thing, so do it!" The voice inside his head yelled at him.  
"Oh screw it, I can't it." Raoul muttered, and suddenly a scream pierced the air, and Raoul turned around and in doing so, he accidentally drew the blade of the knife across Mme Giry's neck. She fell to the ground with a thump, and Raoul turned back around fearfully.

"Madame Giry?" He asked, and when she didn't move, he fell to the ground next to her. "Oh SHIT!" Raoul screamed as he saw blood across her neck. "Shit, shit shit!" He gasped. "It was an accident! An accident!" He cried up to the heavens. He quickly got up off of the pavement, and started running off in search to find Erik, unaware that someone lurking in the shadows had been watching him all along.

* * *

Five reviews for an update? 


	26. Chapter 26

_AN: I wasn't planning on updating but after watching some man on man action on Brokeback Mountain I was inspired...Take it! Warning: Tongues will be included in this chapter._

**Chapter 26**

Meanwhile, back at Erik's house, after shoving Erik on the bed, Christine jumped on him, and started sticking her tongue down his throat.  
"Take it off!" She screamed. "You animal!" She started fumbling with his cape ties.  
"Ah, no, I can't!" Erik shouted, causing Christine to roll off of the bed. "Your bipolar ness is freaking me out!"

"What?" Christine asked aghast, pressing the bathrobe against her body.  
"One minute you're screaming at me, the next you want to get at it, I can't take it!" Erik shouted, raking his fingers through his hair, making it stand up. There was an awkward silence. "I have to go." He silently walked out, panting heavily.

* * *

Raoul started shoving people every which way, looking for Erik. He finally was forced to come to a stop behind a well dressed fat woman.  
"Move your fat ass s'il te plait!" He bellowed, tapping on her shoulder. The woman turned around, threw Raoul a death glare, and slowly moved aside.  
"Satisfied?" She asked coldly, her back to Raoul. He started to bustle by her, but stopped, and stared at her. 

"I won't be satisfied until I see you burn in hell." He started to chuckle at his razor sharp wit. The woman turned around, and gasped as recognition dawned on her face.  
"Raoul!" She snarled, slapping him in the face.  
"Ow!" Raoul whimpered, clutching his cheek. "Oh! Mommy, I uh, haven't seen you for awhile." He chuckled awkwardly, and then darted off into the sea of people.

* * *

"All right, all right, just calm down." Erik told himself, pacing along the front of his house. "Just because you have no sexual attraction towards Christine anymore is no reason to panic. Just get your mind off of the fact that there is a small chance that you may be in love with Raoul de Chagny." He stopped and stared at the shrubs, which adorned the front of his house. "Now, the important thing is to trim these bushes." He grabbed a pair of conveniently placed pruning shears, and started trimming, when Raoul skidded by. "Oh God Erik!" He squealed as a siren blasted through the air, and a troop of policemen strode by them. "Oh save me!" Raoul whimpered, trying in vain to flatten himself against the house. 

"Why, am I fraternizing with a known felon?" Erik asked, focusing all his attention on the shrubs.  
"No, yes, well it was an accident!" Raoul cried shrilly, dropping to his knees.  
"What did you do?" When there was no response, Erik finally looked up at Raoul. "What did you do?" He repeated menacingly. Raoul attempted to give a flashing smile, but failed miserably.

"I, uh, sort of slit Mme Giry's throat"  
"You did what?" Erik exploded, dropping the shears.  
"I did it all for you!" Raoul smirked feebly. "Anyway I don't know what your problem is, it's not like Mme Giry and you were lovers." He glanced suspiciously at Erik who growled,  
"That's not the point."

"The point is you go around needlessly throttling people. But what's the use of this arguing? It's not as if I'm going to kill anyone else." Raoul smiled, and walked over to Erik, and draped his arms around him.  
"What are you doing?" Raoul was pleased to see that Erik looked alarmed.  
"Why don't we mosey on over to my house, and go up to the bedroom." Raoul ran his fingers up Erik's chest, who started to breathe very heavily.

"People are stariNG!" Erik's voice raised several octaves as Raoul's hand started to travel downwards.  
"Let them stare," Raoul started pushing Erik backwards towards his house. "I'll oil you up and rub you down, down down." He sang a little tune to himself, while shoving Erik against his front door. "I've got an itch to scratch, I need assistance." He opened the door, shoved Erik inside, and slammed the door behind them.

* * *

After Erik had stormed out of their bedroom, Christine walked over the crib, and picked baby Gerard up, and started to rock him gently back and forth.  
"It looks like it's just you and I again." She murmured to him. "I don't know what has been wrong with your father lately, he's been a bit of an anus." There was a huge slam from downstairs, and Christine got up, and hurried down the stairs. "Erik?" She called down the hall. 

"Christine"  
"Meg?" Christine asked bewildered, rushing over to her friend.  
"Christine!" Meg ran over, and clutched at Christine's sleeves. Her red rimmed eyes bulged out of their sockets, and she fell to her knees.  
"Meg, what's the matter?" Christine asked, alarmed.  
" I was walking towards- and Raoul-he- he-" Meg burst into tears, and buried her head into the hem of Christine's dress.

"Oh god, what did that son of a bitch do this time?" Christine inquired, trying to help Meg up without dropping baby Gerry.  
"He killed my mother"  
"What? Mme Giry, no!" Christine gasped dramatically, dropping down next to Meg. "She was like a mother to me." Meg nodded numbly, and fell against Christine.  
"I'll kill that bastard." Christine rose, her grief evaporating into anger. Quickly handing Gerard off to a dumbfounded Meg, Christine ran over to the kitchen counter, and unsheathed a knife out.  
"What are you going to do?" Meg sniffed, wiping furiously at her puffy eyes.  
"I am going to go over to Raoul's house and kill him." Christine said succinctly.

* * *

Meanwhile, over at the De Chagny Maison, Raoul and Erik were walking up the stairs, making out furiously. Stepping backwards, Raoul stepped on the edge of a stair, and fell backwards, causing Erik to topple on top of him.  
"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties who up." Raoul moaned. There was a slight pause, where Erik just stared awkwardly at Raoul. "I was uh, kidding." Raoul chuckled weakly, and brought Erik's head back down for another kiss.

* * *

"You're going to what?" Meg asked, holding Gerard away from her body, since he just soiled himself.  
"I'm going to kill that bastard that killed the closest thing to a mother that I ever knew." Christine answered, sliding the knife down her bodice. "Well let's hope he's not in the bathtub, eh, eh?" She motioned to an uncomprehending Meg. "You know, Marat"  
"Who?" Meg blinked multiple times. 

"Oh forget it, you need to brush up on the French Revolution Meg." Christine started to walk to the door, but grabbed at herself in pain. "Ouch, I'm taking this damn thing out." She whipped the knife out of her bodice, and looked around as to where to hide it. "Ok here we go." Christine ripped out a hunk of her petticoat, and pressed the knife against her thigh, and tied it with the petticoat. "Who knows what twisted things that sick individual is doing right now."

* * *

Bella was walking down the hallway with a pile of towels, when she saw Raoul shove Erik into the bedroom, and smash the door behind them.  
"Well it looks like they are finally together. Good for them." She remarked, as there was furious pounding on the front door, and someone creaked into the room.  
"What the hell?" Bella scurried over to the top of the stairs in time to see Christine prowl into the living room. "I'm sorry," Bella slid down the banister, and started pushing Christine out the door. "Mademoiselle you can't go any further." 

"Mademoiselle? Bella I lived here for a year, don't act like you don't know who I am." Christine snorted, struggling against Bella. "My god, you are freakishly strong"  
"You can't come in here." Bella grunted, trying to slam the door, with Christine in the middle of the doorway.  
"Eerck, Stop Bella, you're crushing me." Christine squealed, kicking at Bella's shins. "Let me in!"

"It's not fair!" Raoul started whining, once Erik ripped off his own shirt. "How come my chest is smaller than a opera ghost who has the build of a skeleton?"  
"I'm bigger then you in every way."  
"Now that's where you're wrong." Raoul sniffed at the air proudly. "I know that my manhood is quite a specimen."  
"So let's see it."

"No, you drop your pants first." Raoul insisted, fumbling with Erik's pants and pulled them down the ground, when the bedroom door swung open, and Erik and Raoul turned around, with Raoul's face at crotch level.  
"Oh my God!" Christine shrieked.


	27. Chapter 27

_AN: This is it. The big one, the last chapter. The big daddy, the motherload. All right I'll stop now. Well I hope everyone loves this chapter, and it is a little sad ending it, wipes imaginary tear away...But I do plan on writing multiple more fanfics, in case anyone was wondering...Well for the 27th time I want to thank all my reviewers\readers, anyone who looks at this and gets a little chortle...I do try to make a difference...and um, enjoy!_

**Chapter 27**

"Oh my God!" Christine screamed again, backing up against the wall, shading her eyes.  
"Oh, uh Christine, this isn't what it looks like." Erik hurriedly pulled his pants up.  
"At least not yet anyway." Raoul said calmly, standing up slowly. Christine let out a suppressed cry, and ran out of the room.  
"Oh dammit, Christine." Erik started after her, when Raoul grabbed him by the arm.

"Where do you think you're going?" He asked.  
"Well go after her"  
"Why?" Raoul screamed. "You don't even like her anymore"  
"I know, but I still need to explain everything to her, you know." Erik gestured helplessly towards the door, and started running out yelling after Christine.  
"Oh for God's sake, this is not the step forward in our relationship that I was hoping for." Raoul groaned, chasing after Erik.

"Christine!" Erik screamed, looking every which way for Christine. "Why are you chasing after her? You can't even stand her." The voice inside his head protested wildly. "That's not the point, the point is...well I don't know, oh shut up!" Erik slapped himself in the forehead. "Oh Christine!" He cried, as he spotted Christine run into the Opera Populaire. "Oh yea, great idea Christine." He muttered to himself, running after her. "Hide from me in a place that I helped build, good plan." Erik reached the front doors, and pulled them open, and darted in the opera house.

"Erik!" Raoul ran out of his house, and started pushing past people looking for his beloved. He stopped to a sudden halt, when seeing Erik fly into the Opera Populaire. "Oh what is this, a trip down memory lane?" He muttered running at full speed towards the opera.

Christine was running without any clue as to where she was going. When she finally did stop and look around her surroundings, Christine was shocked to find herself in knee high water in Erik's lair. There was some splashing, which made her turn around to see Erik clutching his chest, and leaning against the stone wall.

"Stay away!" Christine warned, backing away.  
"Christine." Erik gasped, taking a step forward. "Let me explain"  
"Oh explain what? You disgusting bastard." Christine started sobbing, and she took a step forward, raised her hand to slap him, but Erik grabbed a hold of her wrist. "Please Christine, get a hold on yourself."

"Get a hold on myself? GET A HOLD ON MYSELF?" Christine screeched, flecks of spit flying from her mouth.

* * *

Meanwhile, Raoul was hopelessly lost.  
"One minute they are here, the next minute they disappeared. Oh woe is me." Raoul looked around hoping for a clue. "Now the trick to figure out where Christine ran off to, is to think like Christine." Raoul closed his eyes, and imitated a Christine-like voice inside his head. "I'm Christine, a big skinny bitch who likes to over do the damsel in distress act, and- She ran down to the lair!" Raoul jumped up triumphantly, and gave himself a congratulatory high five. "Now I just have to figure out how to get back down there. And once again I can win the girl, or in this case the boy." Raoul started running, when the floor opened up beneath him, and he started falling through the air.

"Oh damnation!" He hollered, as he slammed unceremoniously onto the stone floor. "Ow, fuck." He groaned, massaging his face, rolling over to his back. The sound of two angry voices jarred him to his senses. "Ow," Raoul stood up, and staggered against a curtain hanging up, and then fell back to the floor.  
"Would you at least listen to me Christine?" Raoul vaguely heard Erik's voice, as he tottered back to his feet.

"Oh I'll listen to you!" Christine screamed, and there was the sound of Christine slapping Erik. Raoul fell to his knees, and looked around his surroundings in despair.  
"He's going to take her back, oh I am not impressed. I've worked too hard to let Erik slip through my fingers." A rope caught Raoul's eye, and a plan formulated in his virile young brain.

* * *

"Christine please!" Erik covered his eyes exasperatedly.  
"You know, you're not being very comforting for a cheating dingus!" Christine let out a screech, when Raoul emerged from the shadows slipped a noose around her neck. "Ack!" Christine gurgled, clawing frantically at the rope.

"Raoul, what in god's name are you doing?" Erik sighed.  
"Look familiar?" Raoul said through gritted teeth. "Now, either choose me, or Christine gets it."  
"Couldn't you ask this, without putting a noose over Christine's neck"  
"Hey, you put a noose over my neck!" Raoul yelled, and there was a slight pause.  
"Hmm, touché." Erik responded.  
"Oh what are you worrying about?" Christine spat out vindictively. "He's sure to pick you, you faggot!"

"I am not a bundle of sticks! I am not a-oh, you're being derogatory." Raoul finished somewhat lamely. "Well?" He asked Erik. Amid Erik's stuttering, Christine moved her leg to kick Raoul, when she felt the knife rub against her thigh.

"Well I mean, o-obviously, I mean-" Erik was babbling, when Christine withdrew the knife from her petticoats, twisted to the side, and slashed Raoul across the arm. "Fuck!" Raoul swore, releasing the noose, and Christine took a couple of steps forward, sputtering unnecessarily for air.

"Are you ok?" Erik rushed over, a bit anxious.  
"I think I need to lie down for a bit." Raoul said, and then keeled over. "I can see the light!" He twitched, and Erik kneeled down to inspect Raoul. "And there is Philippe, and he's beckoning me to come to him-ow!" Raoul shrieked, as Erik back handed him.

"Oh you're fine, get a control of yourself." Erik ripped off of a piece of his shirt, and tied it around Raoul's arm, and then helped Raoul up to his feet. "All right, let's go." He put his arm around Raoul's waist, and started help him walk across the lake.  
"I'm fine, I'm fine." Raoul muttered thickly, waving off of Erik's arm, and he started to stumble toward the exit. Erik made his way to follow him, when Christine grabbed onto his arm.

"So you're going, just like that?" She asked, wiping at her puffy red eyes. "What about me? What about our relationship?" Erik paused, and grabbed onto her shoulders.  
"Well Christine," he began in solemn tone. "I don't give a shit." And he swept off, leaving Christine alone. Christine started to shake with anger, and then let out an unearthing scream, and started chasing after Erik.

"I'm going to kill him." She thought furiously. "I am going to rip him to shreds, I am going to-," but what else she was going to do to Erik, we may never know, because just then, Christine slipped on Raoul's discarded roll of quarters left behind from so long ago. With a hideous scream, she flew through the air, and landed in the water, slamming her head with a sickening crack against a rock, and thought no more.

* * *

Raoul and Erik were hobbling their way through the water, when a scream echoed through the air.  
"Did you hear that?" Raoul asked, looking around anxiously.  
"No." Erik replied shortly. Looking at Raoul, who was twiddling his thumbs, and throwing scared looks over his shoulder, Erik walked over to Raoul, crooning softly.  
_"No more talk of darkness, Forget these wide-eyed fears. I'm-"_  
"There is no way I am going to sing Christine's part!" Raoul exclaimed angrily. "I'm the man in this relationship, the one who wears the pants, and so forth." There was a brief silence, and Erik replied,  
"about that. You didn't even wear the pants when you were sordidly involved with Christine."

"Yeah, well, that song sucks anywho." Raoul retorted.  
"You're the one who started singing it"  
"Actually, you just started singing it." Raoul helpfully pointed out.  
"Yes, I know." Erik huffed angrily. "But you were the one who started singing it on the rooftop."

"Ah yes." Raoul paused meaningfully, and then started skipping ahead. "How about a meaningful song like...keep it gay! Keep it sassy, keep it classy, keep it gay!" Raoul skipped back over to Erik, who grabbed him, and kissed him on the lips.  
"Well I suppose that could work too." Raoul nodded, with a bit of a smirk on his face. Clasping hands, Erik and Raoul made their way up to the beautiful sunset.  
Finis!

And that's it! If anyone was offended while reading this story, then mission accomplished! Review everyone!


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